Will Old Handsome Joe Biden Be President Of Hillary Clinton? MAYBE!
The Democratic presidential primary might get a little more crowded very soon -- like three whole candidates, not counting the ones who don't count -- because SOURCES SAY that Old Handsome Joe Biden is going to declare his intention to rob Hillary Clinton of the crown the ancients prophets said she was to assume as U.S. American president. Are the Sources Who Say correct? Who knows! We should take this with a grain of salt and stuff, because Washington Times, and a lot of media people just generally like to stir shit, but it could happen! Let's see what the gossip rags have to say:
Vice President Joseph R. Biden’s team is putting out the word that he is leaning in favor of joining the presidential race next month, according to a prominent Democratic fundraiser. [...]
“They have given increasingly strong signals that Biden is going to throw his hat in the ring,” said New York businessman Jon Cooper, a top bundler for President Obama’s 2012 campaign who has been testing the waters with fellow bundlers for a Biden run.
“I’m as confident as I can be that he will be entering the race,” he said.
He's as confident as he can be! But is he the only one who believes that? No, here is another person who is very confident that Biden will soon "wash his Trans Am in the White House driveway":
William Pierce, executive director of an organization working to draft Mr. Biden for the race, also said he has been reassured that the vice president is preparing to challenge Mrs. Clinton for the nomination.
“We have been talking to a lot of people in Biden’s circle and they say they believe he is going to run,” said Mr. Pierce, though he stressed that he does not coordinate with Mr. Biden or his close advisers.
Okay, so we got William Pierce and Jon Cooper, who claim to know the things about the what and the who, piss on all this for us, New York Observer:
When people hear that Will Pierce wants Joe Biden to be the next president of the United States, they usually react in one of two ways.
“Half the people, they sit there and they’re like, ‘Oh yeah, I’m all for it,’ ” Mr. Pierce told the Observer. “The other half, they sit there and they’re like, ‘I didn’t know he was running. Oh wait, there’s an election coming up? Oh, Joe Biden, he’s … gaffe-prone.’ ”
Yes, there is an election coming up. And no, Vice President Biden, that swaggering septuagenarian with a penchant for Onion-worthy flubs on the stump, is not running for president.
But maybe he will, you don't know! Those who are all into the idea say that Biden is much more lovable than Hillary (arguable point) and also that he has cross-party appeal that somebody like Bernie Sanders might not (also arguable, maybe, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT WON'T WE?), so he could position himself well somewhere between "hated" and "communist," so it could make for an interesting primary!
Again, is any of this going to happen? Only Old Handsome Joe can say! But if it does, we will have to amend our previously established Wonkette commenting policy (they're still not allowed) as regards the 2016 Democratic Primary: You can be a Hillz Wonker, you can be a Bernie Wonker, AND you can also be an Old Handsome Joe Biden Wonker, but you still cannot be a Jim Webb Wonker, because, again, go away you fucking troll.