Donate

Willow Palin Buys Drugs In Target Parking Lot

News

Important political magazineLife & Style (is this that Tina Brown/Newsweek thing?) just sent us a very important news update on Willow Palin, the hot teen sensation of Discovery Channel's new travel video, White Trash On Drugz. According to unimpeachable sources (other white trash kids in Wasilla), Willow is such a piece of trash. Plus she is so dumb, she buys marijuana in Alaska, where it is free and grows everywhere -- except anywhere around a Palin, as the only food that doesn't wilt in the presence of a Palin woman is something assembled by Taco Bell. Let's learn all about parking lot life in Wasilla, at 1 a.m., with your favorite "first family," the Palins!


Willow is hot in today's Amurukuh because she is not all worn out like her old babymama sister, what's her name. Let this be a lesson to rural teens nationwide: Get that abortion so you can stay sexxxy and keep partyin' in the parking lot.

Here is what this magazine sent us, in an email, about the newest Palin sensation:

Several former peers of the 16-year-old have gone on-record to exclusively reveal to Life & Style that Willow took part in a 1am drug deal, and that she "chugged" vodka when she was just 15.

Lance Nezaticky, a former classmate of Willow’s, tells Life & Style that he watched as Willow took part in a drug transaction in a deserted Target parking lot in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, around 1 a.m. on a December night last year. Lance, 18, watched as a male driver pulled up, with Willow riding in the passenger seat. The driver bought $20 worth of marijuana, says Nezaticky, then handed it to Willow. “It was definitely her,” Nezaticky tells Life & Style. “There’s no question. I had met her before.” After buying roughly 2 grams of pot, Willow and her companion drove off. “Willow had been told that the pot was really good stuff,” Nezaticky recalls.

You should go check this shit out, we bet! This is probably the main magazine in the check-out aisles wherever you redeem food stamps for Diet Coke and frozen pizzas. [Life & Style]

$
Donate with CC

Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc