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The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court's upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they're entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with?


We figured Fischer was going to claim that both justices are just big old bulldaggers, especially given Kagan's known softball-playing proclivities. But no, it turns out there's even more disturbing evidence of bias, says Fischer in a column published at Bradlee Dean's Emporium of White-People Paranoia. (Science fact: Bryan Fischer and Bradlee Dean are not allowed to be in the same room, lest their combined stupidity achieve critical mass.) Here's Fischer's airtight logic, complete with scare quotes:

[Any] justice who has tipped his hand on how he would vote on same-sex “marriage,” any justice who has taken sides, any justice whose ability to be objective on the matter in question, has a legal, moral, ethical and professional duty to withdraw. In fact, he would be violating federal law if he didn’t. His sacred, sworn duty as a justice is to uphold the law, not break it.

Both Kagan and Ginsburg have performed same-sex wedding ceremonies. Ginsburg has at least three and maybe five such ceremonies under her belt, and she had the effrontery to perform one of them in the chambers of the Supreme Court itself.

Kagan likewise performed a highly publicized same-sex ceremony for a former law clerk in Maryland just last September.

Are you sufficiently shocked, dear readers? Poor Bryan Fischer also proves that Ginsburg is a radical pro-equality activist by quoting her shocking comments prior to officiating at the marriage of Kennedy Center President Michael M. Kaiser and his husband, the amusingly named John Roberts:

“I think it will be one more statement that people who love each other and want to live together should be able to enjoy the blessings and the strife in the marriage relationship,” Ginsburg said.

Fischer is pretty darned outraged by that:

I find the words “statement” and “should” unambiguous. This ceremony represented a personal declaration on her part that same-sex “marriage” ought to be legalized.

Oddly enough, Fischer is not calling for Antonin Scalia, who has ranted about the "gay agenda," to recuse himself, and he's also OK with Clarence Thomas, who has personally presided over the wedding of a human woman to a Hefty bag full of toxic sludge. Even more shocking, with the exception of Elena Kagan, every single member of the Supreme Court has participated in a so-called "straight marriage" and has an opposite-sex "spouse," which seems like pretty clear evidence of bias to us.

Fischer notes several instances where Supreme Court justices have recused themselves, most of which involved cases where the justice had a financial interest in a company coming before the Court. We would point out that, as of yet, Big Gay has not yet sold stock, so that shouldn't be a problem. He also notes that Kagan recused herself from cases that she had worked on while serving as solicitor general, but again, that's because she had worked directly on those cases. Now, if either justice had actually married one of the couples in the upcoming case, Fischer might have a point.

Besides, Bryan Fischer can hardly claim to have a pure viewpoint on this issue, considering he personally gave his blessings to a gay-married Wonkette reader one time. He's just one step away from driving a Subaru Forrester himself, if you know what we mean.

[Sons Of Liberty / Joe.My.God]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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