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Wingnut Chick: Do Drugs and You Might End Up Like That Guy Who Became President

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Maybe you're on the fence when it comes to Marijuana legalization - you tried it at a Cranberries concert in the '90s and didn't understand all the fuss, but you're worried your commute to work will be cluttered with one too many drum circles. Perhaps you hate the stuff, but you're like, sooo anti-Fed you'd rather see states individually address the issue. Whatever silly reason you have for not wholeheartedly throwing your money and support behind the War on Drugs, former Texas (and current Texas Eagle Forum president) GOP Chair Cathie Adams will bring you to your senses with herwatertight argument against Marijuana legalization: if you do drugs, you may not be able to memorize lengthy speeches while juggling the most intense workload of any professional in the country!


Speaking before a Grassroots America We the People "Call to Action" meeting, Adams highlighted what we can all expect should laws prohibiting drugs continue to soften:

...if we legalize it, will we empty out our jails and will we be safe for ever more? No. I'm telling you, Barack Hussein Obama has got to have a teleprompter because he fried his brain on drugs.

If we legalize drugs, more and more Americans may require teleprompters to make televised speeches to millions of people after attending nonstop meetings with foreign leaders and military strategists. Beyond needing a teleprompter to sort out his drug-addled brain, Barack Hussein Obama wants you to hit rock bottom so you'll need a teleprompter too!

I don't know why we're not calling him what he is as a Marxist. It's as if, when the wall fell that communism died; it didn't. Today, it is green on the outside and red on the inside. It is as red as ever and Barack Obama is implementing his green agenda, which is Marxism, and that is exactly why our economy is hurting as badly as it is and why twenty three million people are still out of work.

That's right - despite Obama's Department of Justice and its aggressive and often unprecedented contributions to the War on Drugs, the President has a secret "green agenda" that promotes lax drug policies with the hope that the Feds can one day constantly stream Marxist propaganda to its vulnerable, drug scrambled citizens via government-issue teleprompter.

Suck on that, Colorado.

[Right Wing Watch]

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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