Donate

Wingnut GOP Candidate Declares Self Senator In *Real* U.S. Government Because Sekrit 1871 Law Stole Constitution

News

Let's say you want to be a member of the Iowa Senate, but you decide that actually running for the seat is expensive and tedious, and you realize that even if you win, you're mostly going to be voting on a lot of boring local issues, probably involving corn. Wouldn't it be more fun to go straight to national office, maybe the Senate? But a candidacy in that arena costs even MORE time and money, and even if you won, you'd still have to think about corn. Subsidies, probably. Wouldn't it be cool if you could just BE a U.S. Senator without all the trouble of "winning an election"? Well, meetRandi Shannon! She was running for Iowa's 34th District senate seat, but on July 4 announced that she had "accepted the position of U.S. Senator in The Republic of The United States of America," a pretend club of PatrioLoons who are taking America back from the illegitimate "UNITED STATES CORPORATION" (you have to type that in all-caps, because all-caps things are magically different legal entities from their lowercase counterparts).


It will undoubtedly come as a shock to many to learn that Ms. Shannon is a Ron Paul supporter and a home-schooling advocate. She also opposes children being vaccinated.

But she is participating in a rich tradition of Homegrown Grass-Roots American Prairie Lunacy! Long before there was a Tea Party, even before there was a Ron Paul, there were the tax protesters, those loveable nuts with their bizarre legal theories, strange interpretations of the Constitution and U.S. history, and their amusing penchant for mimeographing badly typed manifestoes, getting convicted of tax fraud, and occasionally hiding out in compounds until they and everyone in their entire tragic family are shot to death in futile gunfights with jackbooted federal thugs. Ms. Shannon's July 4 letter explains, with the perfectly lucid-seeming tone of the average psychopathic axe murderer when speaking to neurotypical people, what REALLY HAPPENED to U.S. America:

Let me now announce to everyone in Iowa, I have become aware of the existence of the Original Republic for The United States of America. “We the People” re-inhabited our lawful de jure (de jur [sic] -- “by right of lawful establishment”) government on March 30th, 2010. This is The Republic founded in 1787 and then abandoned during The Civil War in the 1860s.

It was then replaced in 1871 by the UNITED STATES CORPORATION. (de facto -- without law). This Unlawful Corporate Democracy, established by the forty-first congress, has been acting as though it is the "official government" which clearly it is not! In point of fact, it is the reason why “We the People” Instead of Experiencing Freedom and Prosperity, suffer under the weight of Oppressive Statutes and an Out of Control, Monstrous National Debt which is Robbing Us and All Future Generations of Americans of Our Treasure and Our Legacy for which Our Founding Fathers’ so Valiantly Fought and Died.

And Remember This! Where the de jure Republic of The United States of America exists the de facto UNITED STATES CORPORATION, having no standing, must go away!

So there! GO AWAY, you fake old government, because "We The People" no longer believe in you! Raw Story describes Shannon's statement as "riddled with curious capitalization meant to emphasize the government’s foibles," but we think it more likely that, apart from the bizarro magic belief that all-caps words denote legal fictions, this isn't satire, it's Just Really Incompetent Writing, with maybe a side helping of Trying to Sound Olde-Timey and Important Like The Declaration of Independence.

Ms. Shannon also has a Facebook Page with an unreadable satirical graphic, and a link to an unwatchable video that explains that there are actually TWO Americas, but not the way John Edwards meant it (Spoiler alert: Turns out that the 1871 law establishing a government for the District of Columbia is what did it). She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page "just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE..."

[RawStory]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

$
Donate with CC
Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc