Wingnuts Outraged: HBO Lady Lena Dunham Pees All Over Memorial Day
Say, would you believe that conservative blogonauts found something to spend Memorial Day DEEPLY OFFENDEDED over? Yes, we know, what are the odds? Theshocking contretemps involved Lena Dunham, that terrible awful young lady who made an innuendo-laden video that compared voting to sexytime romps with a black man. We don't know much about Ms. Dunham, but Yr Editrix is a fan. Now it seems that Ms. Dunham has gotten herself into one of those wacky scrapes you'd expect from the "Carrie Tyler Moore" character on that Girls Gossiping in the City show of hers, only instead of an embarrassing hipster faux pas involving whatever the hell constitutes a faux pas among hipsters, she committed High Treason by Twitter, sending out a message that quite literally announced her hatred for the troops, the flag, the Constitution, and All that is Good and Holy. We hope you are sitting down, because we will now reveal the contents of her perfidious tweet.
It read in full, "Happy Memorial Day! I've already peed in two different Starbucks bathrooms!"
WTF? TMI? No, wait, Egad! Did that whore just trivialize Memorial Day? Quick! To the Outrage Signal!
Newsbusters' Noel Sheppard was appropriately aghast:
What is it about liberal disdain for America's most-revered national holidays?...
Just imagine that in March, TIME magazine declared Dunham as having one of "The 140 Best Twitter Feeds."
Yeah - if you're fascinated by urine and the trashing of national holidays I guess.
Michelle Malkin declared Dunham "a rude, classless ingrate," and for good measure, added the hashtag "#OberlinValues," because obviously the cancer of progressivism, what with its urination on sacred American holidays, all stems from Doktor Zoom's ex-wife's alma mater.* Probably because Oberlin was founded by crazy abolitionists.
Malkin's rage-aggregation site Tweekers or whatever it's called, reasonably extrapolated the tweet into a wholesale diagnosis of What's Wrong With The Left, calling the tweet "Patriotism, progressive-style" and highlighting a brave patriot's reply:
@lenadunham tweets about peeing in two bathrooms instead of honoring our fallen soldiers. Because that's what Memorial Day is all about.
Christian Toto at Andrew Breitbart's Mouldering Corpse managed a neat maneuver, appealing to What Brings All Americans Together, or at least it would if it weren't those fucking divisive liberals:
Memorial Day is a time for all Americans, no matter their party affiliation, to remember the sacrifices and heroism of our troops.
Girls creator Lena Dunham figured the holiday was a grand excuse to uncork a potty joke via social media.
Oh, America, you used to be such a proud nation. But look what we have come to, and it is all Barack Obama's fault, probably. It's tempting to think that this Outrage Microburst is just an excuse to trash Dunham one more time for that "first time" video, because the right has infinite reserves of butthurt, but that would be awfully cynical.
No, it would appear that, as of just right the fuck now, Memorial Day is Dead Soldier Easter, and anyone who really loves this great country is required to send the entire day staring at a photo of Arlington National Cemetery and soberly reflecting on the sacrifices of our brave troops, which will maybe be a surprise to purveyors of beer and barbeque equipment.
*We love wearing our Oberlin t-shirt, because even though we have to admit we went to a state school ourselves, it's always fun how that shirt brings Obies out of the woodwork. They are unfailingly nice, too, and have fine values.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.