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Wingnuts' 'We Are The 53 Percent' Just Proves Point of '99 Percent' Movement

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Right-wing hobo prince Erick Erickson started a cheeky conservative response to the popular "We are the 99 percent" tumblr with his very own "We are the 53 percent" site using the Republicans' parrot-poop false "point" that only 53% of Americans pay taxes. The site is remarkable only for the fact that the user-submitted stories are just as depressing and virtually identical to the "99 percent" stories, except that these struggling Americans are militantly defensive of their poverty and anusburgers. They are mysteriously very excited to spend the sum of their waking existence working bone-dissolving hours on the brink of a health problem-induced catastrophe! SO THERE, LIBTARD WHINERS. Let us read a few at random, for tears and misery and patriotism.


Food stamps and welfare, they are manna or whatever from Jesus! Which is how this person managed to start over, screw you hippies:

Oh god, this one is really depressing. This man, he has no health insurance and a near-zero wage, but he doesn't blame Wall Street. He blames only himself for being poor and barely able to survive despite working zillions of hours, as the Bible teaches us.

Yeah, SUCK IT UP, COMMUNISTS.

See, brainwashed tree dweller turds? Some people are HAPPY eking out the miserable existence equivalent of a Wal-Mart "63% off on laboring humans sale" working 394 hours a week for sub-living wages and no health insurance, why aren't you? Because you're complainers, which is ILLEGAL and UN-AMERICAN. Shut up and go watch Nancy Grace give free blow jobs to Satan on Dancing With the Stars, to remind you why America is still great. [We Are the 53 Percent Tumblr]
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One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

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Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

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