Wisconsin Attorney General Thinks Maybe Clerks Issuing Gay Marriage Licenses Should Be Drawn And Quartered


You might recall that Wisconsin is only the latest in a long long list of states that are currently ramming hot thick gay marriage down your throats, thanks to goddamn activist judges. But the attorney general of Wisconsin is a very sore loser and does not like the taste of gay marriage, so he figured that maybe if he just kinda sorta threatens to prosecute the county clerks issuing marriage licenses, he can shut the whole thing down.

Wisconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen said Thursday that same-sex couples who have wed in recent days are not married in the eyes of the law and that county clerks issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples could be prosecuted. [...]

"You do have many people in Wisconsin basically taking the law into their own hands and there can be legal repercussions for that [....] So, depending on who believes they're married under the law and who doesn't believe they're married under the law may cause them to get themselves in some legal problems that I think are going to take years for them and the courts to work out."

Well, that might actually be true if a judge that is the boss of you, law-wise, hadn't already declared that the gays can get themselves all married up in your cheese-soaked state. So, see, the courts have already worked that one out for you. Aren't you attorney general types supposed to be lawyers? Geez.

Van Hollen doesn't seem to think the gays that are getting all homosexual married should be arrested -- only the people that license said filthy gays to do so. True, in Wisconsin, clerks can go to jail for issuing marriage licenses that aren't allowed under state law, except that law is sort of dwarfed by the fact that your OTHER law banning those clerks from letting the gays join in holy matrimony WAS DECLARED UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

In case you aren't already irritated with this doofus, please note that he is pretty certain that keeping the gays from getting married will be revered as the highlight and the hallmark of his career.

Van Hollen [...] said his work on the case would become part of a legacy he could be proud of because it showed he fought for the rule of law.

"Constitutions don't defend themselves," he said. "They're not worth the paper they're written on if someone does not defend what's in there...My primary oath and obligation that I have as attorney general above all else is to defend our constitution, above our laws, above everything else.

"It's actually quite a simple concept that people are either intentionally confusing, don't want to understand or really haven't gotten the message."

Guess what? Constitutions are also not worth the paper they're written on when they have unconstitutional discriminatory bullshit in them! There's no magic wand you can wave where you just say "see? look? Constitution!" and then everything is cool and you can go about your merry bigoted way.

We're not sure how to make this any clearer to Van Hollen and his ilk: you people are dinosaurs. You are on the way out. You are going extinct. You are literally going to die off soon, and what will be left standing are people who give zero fucks about who marries who. Just get out the way, and don't arrest anyone on your way out the door.

[Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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