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Not one of Dok's shoops. You can tell because it's competent.


World Net Daily columnist Erik "The Other Rush" Rush, who's so bereft of wit that his column is really called "The Other Rush," has been thinking about how the media has been rigging the election for Hillary Clinton by hardly reporting on her at all. Along the way, he hits on the Clinton Health Coverup conspiracy, before finally dropping acid and writing some pretty gnarly H.P. Lovecraft fan-fiction about Clinton.

He starts off by fretting that the press already "almost singularly spearheaded the presidential campaign of one Barack Hussein Obama in 2008" -- because obviously if they'd actually reported on him, he'd have lost. But at least Obama was

spry enough to participate vigorously in his campaign, rather than being held together with duct tape and arcane incantations like the funereal billionaire Montgomery Burns in “The Simpsons.”

Haw haw, he's just kidding, there. OR IS HE? Rush goes on to complain, echoing the better-known Rush of the Limbaugh variety, that because the press has been sleeping on the job, this enigmatic "Hillary Clinton" person who's suddenly burst on the scene is a complete enigma whose "legacy of serial treason" is largely unknown to the American public! "Hillary who?" say all the low-information voters. According to Rush, even though Clinton has been the focus of enough rightwing rage to melt steel beams, "very few of those voting for her will have a meaningful working knowledge of her record."

Rush then fantasizes about a miraculous scenario in which "reality represented to our senses a truly objective view of what people -- in this case, political candidates -- were like, as opposed to their carefully crafted, subjective physical representations." You know, sort of like the sunglasses in They Live that let you see the evil alien overlords. He says Donald Trump might look like "a carny barker, with a loud overcoat, huge bow tie and top hat. He would be loud too, and his verbiage might occasionally be clumsy or even insulting." Now, nobody would really be in love with the idea of a carny barker, but we're all used to politicians overselling things, and besides "sometimes, the attraction is well worthwhile."

Stop being ridiculous, Mr. Rush. Carny barkers wear straw boaters, not top hats, you dope. Moving on from his love for dancing calves and two-headed bears, Rush goes on to imagine what the "realistic" appearance of Hillary Clinton might be. We can only assume he wrote this somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold:

In this alternative reality scenario, Hillary Clinton would be a completely different story. Objective reality would probably represent her appearance as an amorphous, grayish-green entity with only occasional glimpses of her leering face and trendy designer apparel peeking through the goo. Festering boils, sores and other lesions would populate a shifting, gelatinous corpulence. Groups of diseased genitalia and excretory organs might form in random areas on her glistening skin, migrating across its surface and occasionally engaging each other in horrid fashion. Even to the non-religious person, her appearance would be truly evocative of a creature from hell, a vision to make even the late H.R. Giger cringe.

Clinton’s campaign speech would be a disturbing cacophony of insane squeals, gibbering laughter and profanities punctuated with her trademark shrill yammering. Audibly bursting abscesses and purulent excretions emanating from her would give rise to a stench of sufficient putridity to induce immediate vomiting in most individuals, thus it’s unlikely that many would dash off to cast votes for the slithering obscenity.

Well then. There really is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge. The only wonder is that he was somehow able to thumb through his thesaurus while in the grip of the inevitable attack of the shakes.

In a closing clearly written sometime after he'd come down, Rush goes on to lament that sadly, the American electorate "doesn’t have the benefit of such insight" -- or access to powerful enough acid to imagine Hillary's wandering genitalia assfucking itself on her face -- and so as far as we dummies are concerned, "Ms. Clinton could be clinically dead for six weeks before the election, and the press might still manage to get her elected." If only someone would just mention Benghazi or the Clinton Foundation sometime. If only. We can see why Erik Rush wants to celebrate Free Speech Week by executing journalists.

To test out Mr. Rush's theory, we ran down to the local paranormal supplies shop and got us a pair of those They Live sunglasses, then gazed in horror at the visage hidden beneath his WND author photo.

See 'Trollface' meme.

Damn.

[WND via tweet by RightWingWatch's Brian Tashman]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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