Wonkagenda 07-15-2016

Morning, Wonkers! The following stories may or may not grace the pixels of your Wonkette today!

1) Some jerk ruined Bastille Day celebrations in Nice, France, killing 84 people. That's not funny.

2) CNN and NPR were reporting leaks of Trump's Veep, and it's Mike Pence. Trump then was all, "LOL! Nope!" because it's better for ratings, and because Mike Pence doesn't spell his name, "Newt Gingrich."

3) In the wake of Nice, Trump wants to declare war on political correctness and Muslims, Gingrich wants deportation tests, and Clinton thinks we should strengthen our alliances. Bill-O thinks we're in a "World War scenario."

4) Barack Obama had a town hall on teevee yesterday, and told everyone to enhance their calm, and show some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for cops and African-Americans.

5) Trump fended off the #NeverTrump movement, all but assuring the world that yes, Trump will be the GOP nominee.

6) The GOP can't afford to put on TrumpCon 2016, so they're begging creepy rich guy Sheldon Adelson for $6 million after two dozen companies have pulled out.

7) Trumpkin Staffers are allowing Ted Cruz to speak at TrumpCon, but they want to tell him what to say. Your Editrix doesn't think that'll stop Ted Cruz, he can actually memorize his speeches.

8) Trump and his kids are being named (as witnesses ... sort of) in a suit about a $250 million tax scam. LOL, who could have known!

9) Remember when Mike Pence thought gay people were super icky and he proposed taking HIV/AIDS funding and giving it to sexual rehabilitation groups?

10) Josh Duggar didn't molest his sister, his peener did! Leave Josh Duggar's Satan-possessed peener alone!

And, just remember, Wonkers...

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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