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Wonkagenda: Friday, August 19, 2016
OH MAN! It's almost time for school!
Spike your coffee and put on some sweats, Wonketariat, it's Friday! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette might get in trouble for today!
- If you thought the lamestream media was done tarring and feathering Paul Manafort for his ties to former Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovich, you clearly forgot who we are in our cold, black hearts because Ukrainian officials have released line by line items documenting payments designated for Paul Manafort. Remember to breathe when you point and laugh!
- Clinton and Trump will appear in a forum devoted to national security, military and veterans affairs. I wonder which one knows how to NOT press buttons?
- Trump kind of, sort of, maybe apologized if he was a dick. If that's an apology for insulting half of America, what the hell will it sound like when he accidentally hurls on head of state or starts a thermonuclear war?
- The FBI says that Hillary Clinton says that this one time, in a dark, smokey backroom dinner party with former Secretary's of State, Colin Powell told Hillary Clinton's emails to hide their private parts.
- Republicans in Florida are super scared that everyone's going to die in Florida because Paul Ryan won't approve funding to combat the Zika virus.
- Donald Trump loves black people. Donald Trump's ALWAYS loved black people (except all those times he didn't). Donald Trump's sure black people will love him too if they vote for him.
- Gawker is going away forever thanks to a spiteful billionaire, and while they were often kind of terrible (outing private citizens simply because you can is evil), we will actually miss them a lot.
- The idiotic alt-right boogeymen super worried about Hillary Clinton's health have been debunked so thoroughly debunked that even the Clinton's sworn enemy Newt Gingrich thinks it's fucking stupid. NEWT GINGRICH!
- Jill Stein is ready to ride her soylent scooter right to jail during the first debate if she's not allowed to come on stage and inform you you're not nearly progressive enough.
- Trump's got his FIRST teevee ad and he may have just given an eight year old a box of crayons to hold up a misspelled sign in front of a tree-fort that reads, "No terrorists allowed!"
- Former George W. Bush spokeslady Dana Perino had tweet-arrhea last night and then went on teevee to say she'd NEVER lie to people. Sure.
- No, you're not the only one who's been unfriended because you're not blowing Donald Trump as hard as Joe Scarborough, it's totally a thing that's been happening.
- A North Carolina Republican party official sent a memo that encouraged voting access reductions for people who weren't Republicans, like minorities and the poor. Too bad it leaked.
- By now you've heard about the naked Trump statue, and the fabulous NYC Parks District response. But they also popped up in in cities across the U.S. because ART IS AWESOME!
- You know how ISIL (because they're not just in Syria, silly) has been trashing stuff across the Middle East because they don't like history? Well, the Smithsonian has gathered a group of extraordinary people to save historical artifacts throughout ISIL-occupied Iraq and Syria.
- And here's some adorable Nice Time to get you started this weekend!