Wonkagenda: Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Who the hell is this random bald guy?
Well a totally tubular Tuesday to you, Wonkers! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette is poking the keyboards to 'splain for you today! (OR MAYBE NOT! I am the intern here, not the assignment editor! But you never do know, it's possible.)
- The #NeverTrumpTrolley now has its Mormon man (in Utah) with Evan McMullin, the new darkhorse candidate who has sprung up overnight to take all the monies from rich white suburbanites with a conscience. But who is he really? A vat-grown clone? A space-lizard in disguise? An ex-CIA spook? (One of these is actually true.)
- Never Trumpers are also begging Reince Preibus to activate Rule 9 which would boot Trump. Ed Wood will not be included in this plan, and that's sad.
- Susan Collins, the Republican senator from Maine, made some words where she said Trump is not worthy to be Preznit. DENIED!
- There are also the 50 GOP security officials who wrote words and announced they were on the #NeverTrumpTrolley.
- The Hispano-Cubano-Messican Floridian GOP spokesperson, Wadi Gaitin, is quitting because he's a LOSER and hates Trump.
- Rep. Scott Rigell is running so far from the Trump Train that he's left the GOP entirely so he can vote for burnout and turncoat Lib-tard Gary Johnson.
- LOL yeah, we're not done with the Trump train's derailment! Here's a former Republican governor, William Milliken, endorsing Clinton. LOW ENERGY!
- Two fracking Republican EPA admins also endorsed Hill-dawg. So say we all!
Holy hell, Wonkaroos, here's a #NeverTrumpTrolley round-up!
- The horrible, awful, LIBERAL media is calling Trump a fat piece of shit because he eats nothing but fast food trash like a lazy fat kid with tiny sausage fingers. Also, he is too afraid to take off his jacket. PATHETIC!
- TRUCK NUTZ John McCain is lagging behind in a new PPP poll that has Democratic candidate Ann Kirkpatrick holding a slight lead in the Arizona Senate race.
- Trump's slump in the polls has Trumpkins believing that polls are wrong (especially when polls say Trump is not really, really, good looking). Even Rush Limbaugh thinks the Trumpkin truthers are dangerous!
- In case you missed it, Trump gave another bad teleprompter speech on economic policy yesterday. It was full of Trump branded trickle down piss-on-the-poors policy crap, and "titties".
- HEY TEXAS! Ted Cruz's 2020 boner could be deflated before it gets up now that the RNC is fielding a primary challenger for Cruz's Senate seat in 2018. YEE-HAW!
- "Stockholm Syndrome" should contain a picture of that mom whose baby was kicked out of a Trump rally.
- A Kentucky council lady really hates the gays and their little dogs too!
- Taytay is lobbying Congresscritters to fix copyright law with Katy Perry (sort of).
- The Koch bros are dropping $2 million in ad buys against the Pennsylvania Democratic Senate candidate, Kate McGinty, because they're mean dickholes who HATE the planet Earth.
- Let's all laugh at Rudy Giuliani throwing a temper tantrum over Charlie Crist! HA!
- At least 25 more women, including Andrea Tantaros, are saying that they too were part of Roger Ailes's super gross sexy-times.
- That Benghazi Mom is suing Hillary Clinton for using her emails to kill her son in Libya. That is sad.
- Here's your Preznit B. Berry Bamz and FLOTUS Michelle with some Olympic Nice Times!