HEY FUCKERS. I AM GOING ON VACATION, STARTING NOW, AND I AM LEAVING YOU FOR NINE ENTIRE DAYS IN A ROW.
Unless you're in Seattle (see you Saturday, 4 to 7 p.m. at Discovery Park!) or Bellingham (Sunday, 2 to 5 p.m. at Sunnyland Park!), or Spokane (Sun., Aug. 19, 2 to 5 p.m. at Audubon Park!). But the REST of you sluts I will not be seeing at all!
You will be in the capable hands of Evan, supported by Dok, Dom, Robyn, $5F, Stephen and Wonderbitch. (OH! Stephen AND DOK will be in Seattle too! You should probably ride your bike to the train to the bus to the park and see us!) But that is not important. What is important is: WHAT HORRIFYING NEWS STORY IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO LEAVE MY ISLAND, GET ON A BOAT, AND GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE ON THE OTHER ISLAND?
Hello my sweethearts hello my darlings hello my ragtime gaaaaals! It is the time when we gather around the pic-a-mick blanket and also pick your pocket, you lucky fucks!
How is this day different from all other days? It is not. It is the same.
We don't want to freak you out, but yesterday Upworthy laid off most of its staff, and our educated guess would be Facebook deciding that the people who like Upworthy do not want to see posts from Upworthy. Here, for instance, is the traffic Facebook now sends to Wonkette.
Sup fuckers? Mama needs to get on the open road and water, and this time, that means SEATTLE, BELLINGHAM, and SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, YOU SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF US.
It was 18 years ago. The little boy, whose mother had died on the raft trip from Cuba. His Miami relatives wanted him to keep him, for freedom. His father, in Cuba, wanted him FUCKING BACK.
The Wonkebago WAS dead! Long live the Wonkebago! (It was nothing, just a short in the sensor that LETS IT DRIVE. It dried out and we were on the road again.)
Y'all, the #wonkebago et mort, at least for today, and possibly for the next two weeks depending on "parts" and "bullshit." We'll let you all know about Wichita and Denver!
We are so tired, you wonderful terrible ones. So fucking tired. We saw, we marched, we cried our eyes out. Have a list of places we will be this week and next, and come out and perk us up! We've changed our route a tiny (Kansas City, you got boned), so maybe we're in your driveway RIGHT NOW!
A couple weeks ago, we left Montana to head to DC for the #teens' March For Our Lives (we drive slow). We stopped by to see our girlfriend on the way out of town, and her friendly, not-stupid, but very racist trucker boyfriend was so happy for us! "Whatcha doing in New York?" he wanted to know. He was so excited! "No, we're going to DC," I told him, delightedly. "We're going to take your guns!"
We thought about canceling on yinz ... wait, that is Pittsburgh. We thought about canceling on tu ustedes, but what is a little nor'easter between friends?
