Hello my sweethearts hello my darlings hello my ragtime gaaaaals! It is the time when we gather around the pic-a-mick blanket and also pick your pocket, you lucky fucks!
How is this day different from all other days? It is not. It is the same.
We don't want to freak you out, but yesterday Upworthy laid off most of its staff, and our educated guess would be Facebook deciding that the people who like Upworthy do not want to see posts from Upworthy. Here, for instance, is the traffic Facebook now sends to Wonkette.
We are so tired, you wonderful terrible ones. So fucking tired. We saw, we marched, we cried our eyes out. Have a list of places we will be this week and next, and come out and perk us up! We've changed our route a tiny (Kansas City, you got boned), so maybe we're in your driveway RIGHT NOW!
A couple weeks ago, we left Montana to head to DC for the #teens' March For Our Lives (we drive slow). We stopped by to see our girlfriend on the way out of town, and her friendly, not-stupid, but very racist trucker boyfriend was so happy for us! "Whatcha doing in New York?" he wanted to know. He was so excited! "No, we're going to DC," I told him, delightedly. "We're going to take your guns!"