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Wonkebago

What Horror Awaits As Soon As Trix Goes On Vacay? An Important Wonkette Poll Of Importance!

See ya wouldn't wanna be ya!

HEY FUCKERS. I AM GOING ON VACATION, STARTING NOW, AND I AM LEAVING YOU FOR NINE ENTIRE DAYS IN A ROW.

Unless you're in Seattle (see you Saturday, 4 to 7 p.m. at Discovery Park!) or Bellingham (Sunday, 2 to 5 p.m. at Sunnyland Park!), or Spokane (Sun., Aug. 19, 2 to 5 p.m. at Audubon Park!). But the REST of you sluts I will not be seeing at all!

You will be in the capable hands of Evan, supported by Dok, Dom, Robyn, $5F, Stephen and Wonderbitch. (OH! Stephen AND DOK will be in Seattle too! You should probably ride your bike to the train to the bus to the park and see us!) But that is not important. What is important is: WHAT HORRIFYING NEWS STORY IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO LEAVE MY ISLAND, GET ON A BOAT, AND GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE ON THE OTHER ISLAND?

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Wonkebago

May We Have Some More?

It's that time of the month again! THE BEGGING TIME!

Hello my sweethearts hello my darlings hello my ragtime gaaaaals! It is the time when we gather around the pic-a-mick blanket and also pick your pocket, you lucky fucks!

How is this day different from all other days? It is not. It is the same.

We don't want to freak you out, but yesterday Upworthy laid off most of its staff, and our educated guess would be Facebook deciding that the people who like Upworthy do not want to see posts from Upworthy. Here, for instance, is the traffic Facebook now sends to Wonkette.

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Wonkebago

Seattle, Bellingham, Spokane, Washington: Prepare The Wine And Women

And bring them to me.

Sup fuckers? Mama needs to get on the open road and water, and this time, that means SEATTLE, BELLINGHAM, and SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, YOU SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF US.

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Trump

Remember Elian Gonzalez?

The dads. The dads were PISSED.

It was 18 years ago. The little boy, whose mother had died on the raft trip from Cuba. His Miami relatives wanted him to keep him, for freedom. His father, in Cuba, wanted him FUCKING BACK.

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Guns

Denver, Colorado, We Are Mile High, TONIGHT!

DO YOU GET IT IT IS A DENVER OMELET.

Can't make a Denver omelet without breaking some eggs

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Wonkebago

Oklahoma Teachers Wa-Wa-Wa-WALKOUT (And Wonkette Is There!)

Get your hot Oklahoma teacher walkout pix here!

I think we found the Wonkette mascot.

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Wonkebago

Wichita Tonight And Denver On Wednesday, We Are On The Road Again!

Come and see us while the seein's good!

The Wonkebago WAS dead! Long live the Wonkebago! (It was nothing, just a short in the sensor that LETS IT DRIVE. It dried out and we were on the road again.)

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Wonkebago

DO NOT Meet Us In St. Louis!

Repeat: DO NOT meet us in St. Louis, we got CANCELLED.

Y'all, the #wonkebago et mort, at least for today, and possibly for the next two weeks depending on "parts" and "bullshit." We'll let you all know about Wichita and Denver!

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Wonkebago

Lexington, Kentucky, Let Us Shine Like The Moon!

When we get home from this trip, we're never leaving again, so MEET US WHILE THE MEETIN'S GOOD.

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Guns

Sunshine On Our Shoulders, West Virginia To Denver, Wonkette's Comin' On Home

Our route's changed a tiny, better check and see if we're parked in your driveway RIGHT NOW!

We are so tired, you wonderful terrible ones. So fucking tired. We saw, we marched, we cried our eyes out. Have a list of places we will be this week and next, and come out and perk us up! We've changed our route a tiny (Kansas City, you got boned), so maybe we're in your driveway RIGHT NOW!

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Guns

The Children Are Here, And They're FUCKING MAGNIFICENT

We are all wrung out with our love for them.

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Guns

We Are In DC, Gon' TAKE YOUR FUCKING GUNS :D

A couple weeks ago, we left Montana to head to DC for the #teens' March For Our Lives (we drive slow). We stopped by to see our girlfriend on the way out of town, and her friendly, not-stupid, but very racist trucker boyfriend was so happy for us! "Whatcha doing in New York?" he wanted to know. He was so excited! "No, we're going to DC," I told him, delightedly. "We're going to take your guns!"

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Guns

Through Snow And Rain And Sleet And Hail: It's New York And DC Drinky Things!

We thought about canceling on yinz ... wait, that is Pittsburgh. We thought about canceling on tu ustedes, but what is a little nor'easter between friends?

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Guns

It's Always Time To March On Drinking Liberally In Philadelphia

Get your mama's combat boots out, we invade TUESDAY! TONIGHT!

IT IS A BIG YELLOW BIRD. DO YOU GET IT? TELL ME IF YOU GET IT.

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Wonkebago

Steel Yourself For Wonkette's Pittsburgh Drinky Thing, Right This Dang Afternoon!

Pittsburgh. Drinky Thing. GO NOW.

Donna Rose is a Super-frog (turtle?)-astronaut hero! In Fargo!

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Guns

Chicago, Take Away The Greatest Part Of Me! (TONIGHT!)

Baby please don't go! Wait, do go! TO SEE US!

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