Wonkette Bookmaker: Which Cabinet Person Was Russian Spy Anna Chapman Trying To Lady-Bone?

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Oh right so remember that redheaded lady spy? Well Assistant FBI Director for Counterintelligence C. Frank Figliuzzi told the Independent that her ladytrap was about to trap someone but good!Tell us more, Spencer Ackerman?


“They were getting close enough to a sitting U.S. cabinet member that we thought we could no longer allow this to continue,” says C. Frank Figliuzzi, the assistant FBI director for counterintelligence, according to the Independent. That alleged — repeat: alleged — sexual “closeness” prompted Figliuzzi’s agents to shift from monitoring Chapman’s crew of ten spies to arresting them in 2010.

We can probably take Eric Holder out of the running, because Anna Chapman is not blonde, and all African American dudes love blonde ladies it is the law. And we can take out Sexy Grandpa Joe Biden, because you know Dr. Jill Biden keeps her man happy. SO who is it then? BESIDES all of them?

Here is an up-to-date list of Obama's cabinet, but our Google-fu is not up to figuring out which ones were sitting cabineteers in 2010, when Anna Chapman and her gang of loveable goofballs was arrested by the FBI for trying too hard to do sex to all the officials. We got a fin says it was Hillary, in the Library, with Janet and Steve. And if it wasn't, it will be in our next screenplay. Leave your slash/fic in the comments, as always.

--->>>>Department of State: Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton

Department of the Treasury: Secretary Timothy F. Geithner

Department of Defense: Secretary Leon E. Panetta

Department of the Interior: Secretary Kenneth L. Salazar

Department of Agriculture: Secretary Thomas J. Vilsack

Department of Commerce: Secretary John E. Bryson

Department of Labor: Secretary Hilda L. Solis

Department of Health and Human Services: Secretary Kathleen Sebelius

Department of Housing and Urban Development: Secretary Shaun L.S. Donovan

Department of Transportation: Secretary Ray LaHood

----->>>>Department of Energy: Secretary Steven Chu

Department of Education: Secretary Arne Duncan

Department of Veterans Affairs: Secretary Eric K. Shinseki

----->>>>Department of Homeland Security: Secretary Janet A. Napolitano

[Wired]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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