Wonkette Camping Corner: Don't Set Your Poo Wipes On Fire, Dumbass
Important reminder for you outdoorsy types: It's a really bad idea to set fire to your toilet paper during a drought, as a Boise mountain bicyclist learned after his attempt to dispose of the remnants of an outdoors poo break resulted in a 73-acre wildfire. We thought you should know before making a Burnt Offering to the Great Cornholio.
The man came forward Thursday morning and was cited for causing a fire, which generally carries a fine of $250, BLM spokeswoman Carrie Bilbao said. He also could be held responsible for suppression costs, she said, but that has not been determined.
Those costs haven't been calculated yet, but they're likely to be pretty high, "in the thousands," Bilbao said. Four air tankers, three helicopters and numerous ground firefighters worked through Wednesday afternoon and evening to keep the fire from spreading across the Foothills into neighborhoods.
The cyclist, whose name hasn't been released but who will almost certainly never live down the incident, most likely came forward because he realized that he'd left a whole bunch of evidence at the scene -- not just the biological material, but a tire repair kit as well as additional personal items he'd abandoned "in haste, trying to get out," according to Bilbao.
"He said he did try to put the fire out but didn't have means to call at the time,” Bilbao said. “He ran into someone on the trail who said they’d reported it."
Also, too, this isn't the first such fire on BLM land in the Boise area; Bilbao said she could recall at least one other toilet-paper fire. The bureau released (with a plop) a statement Thursday explaining the recommended method of disposing of BLM BMs:
“The Hull fire could have been prevented by following some simple guidelines: bury human waste; do not burn toilet paper in dry grass and on public lands; pack it in, pack it out.” The agency also reminded area residents that the fire danger in the Foothills is still high, despite recent rain.
Also, for godssake, if a plastic bag is OK for your doggie, then take a couple of big Ziplocs along for yourself, you ninny.
Hikers and cyclists who have recently consumed a really spicy curry or vindaloo are also urged to wait at least 48 hours before venturing into dry grass areas, or to pursue more aquatic-based recreational opportunities. This brief training film may be useful to recreationists:
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.