Wonkette Endorsements: This Swashbuckling GOP Lunatic Spy


Who's the man who offered to help get Khadafi out of Libya for a cool $10 mill? Neil Livingstone! Who's the cat on a yacht full of pussy-for-hire? Neil Livingstone! Who fled from Argentine Nazis, ate borscht with Russian mafia, and was "wrongly subpoenaed for gun running and involvement in the Iran-Contra affair"? Neil Livingstone. You can see why Your Wonkette has no choice but to endorse Neil Livingstone for ... let's see ... yes, it says right here, Montana governor!

Super shady "security expert" Dr. Neil Livingstone (yes, that's right) is now trying to downplay how completely and irredeemably awesome he is, taking a buncha spy stuff off his website. But there's no running away from the book he wrote for other Men of the World about how not to get rolled by hookers while you are off being a Man of the World.

Tell us more, MontanaCowgirl?

Here are a few verbatim excerpts from pages 36-38 of the book:

Never give a hooker your real name. Alternatively, use only your first name. On the one hand, some experts say that you should never take a hooker back to your hotel room or apartment, as this invites trouble. On the other hand, your hotel is the safest place for a tryst.

Select a high quality brothel. Patronizing a high quality, and therefore generally more expensive, brothel or escort service is always preferable to picking up a bar girl or streetwalker. Most brother operators are required to scrutinize the health of their employees and offer a generally safe environment for patrons. Some tony London brothels, for example, offer a high degree of cleanliness and security.

Double Pleasure can be Double Trouble. Never take those two for one deals. When you get the women back to your room, one may rifle through your pockets while the other takes you around the world.

Livingstone's book then advises you, the Reader, how to safely find drugs.

Wrap it up for us, AP.

In high school, he scored a bargain on a rare coin collection and used the profits to buy a Ferrari — a rare sight in 1960s Helena. He arranges meetings in military time.

Livingstone's biography does not show that he has ever worked for the U.S. government or the CIA, other than a stint as a congressional staffer, but he said that is only because he has worked in classified capacities he can't discuss.

We are sorry we ever doubted you, Montana. We love you just as you are, please never change. [AP, via Esquire; MontanaCowgirl]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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