WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE!!!! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!! GEORGE W. BUSH, NOT NAKED AND DRUNK, JUST NAKED.
We think we might have misjudged George Bush. You know all those stories about him being a wild drunk? An out-of-control cowboy on the loose, dancing naked on bars? Totally off base. OK, partially off base: He wasn't drunk.
Sources close to the Rathergate investigation tell us that in the midst of trying to find out the truth about the documents, they found out something else: That there's a grain of truth to the rumors that first popped up in 1999 about W. doing the full monty at a Texas bar while in flight training. The story we hear goes like this: During his time in the Texas Air National Guard, Bush flew night missions with everyone's favorite mystery typist, Col. Jerry Killian. After finishing up one night and apparently eager to get lit, they adjourned to the Officer's Club, only to be turned away -- it was against club policy to serve airmen still in their flight suits. Men of lesser, uhm, stature -- or men less eager to lay their hands on a cold one -- might have changed into into another set of clothes. Instead, Bush and Killian just took their flight suits off and re-entered the bar, buck naked and, we imagine, quite pleased with themselves. No word on time of year, effect of shrinkage, etc.
We feel it's important to point out that, having just finished a flight mission, W. was likely stone-cold sober at the time. Who knows what that means for his behavior when he was drunk.
Mainstream news organization that know this story have deemed it "irrelevant," but we feel it pretty much embodies the level the campaigns are working at this year.