IMG_1074.JPGHere's Bo Derek with two sleazy guys who made very clumsy passes at Liz.


Last night, Wonkette cabbed it over to Cafe Milano to hobnob with the glamorous stars of DC in what turned out to still be August. The reason? Alcohol and boredom! Oh, and Capitol File was hosting a party for Bo Derek to help launch a new tv network from NewsCorp! You get all that?

All the fabulous pictures (courtesy, as always, Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter) and half-recalled anecdotes (courtesy Maker's Mark), after the jump.

As Roxanne Roberts said to us, "Darlings, this is the only party in Washington this week." Except she didn't say "darlings" and she meant it literally. It was the only party in Washington this week. And so it was fucking packed. With absolutely no one important! Bo Derek and a thousand nobodies (and Patrick Gavin!) having the time of their unimportant lives at Cafe Milano, because August is finally fucking over and the bar was as open as could be! Also, NewsCorp is launching some sort of new TV network. It looks like the trashiest thing ever (big flat-screen tvs seemed to play nothing but a catfight between Bo Derek and Morgain Fairchild on loop all night, except when they had shots of shirtless actors and a woman removing a robe), so it'll probably take off.

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(Also attending: Megyn Kendall, Mort Kondracke, Laurie Duhe, and Chris Wallace. It was a NewsCorp thing.)

IMG_0991.JPG"Only you can prevent me from scoring tonight."

IMG_1009.JPG"My eyes are up here, buddy."

The night was so un-star-studded, in fact, that Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter, got a red carpet photo. Seriously. Not that she isn't a star, of course, but she had her own camera in her purse as this picture was shot. She was on the clock, guys.

IMG_1016.JPG"Am I WASPy enough? I'm really not sure if I'm WASPy enough."

IMG_1017.JPGHello there, Male Model! Your dark, soulless eyes helped kick the style quotient of this party up to "Omaha"!

IMG_1022.JPGSeth Pietras works his magic on the drunkest chick he could find.

IMG_1023.JPGCaught in the act of trying to draw a penis on that bald guy's head.

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Capitol File's Anne Schroeder told us that we were "the mean one" at Wonkette. Now we're the only one! She was not mad, though, even though we write things like this post about her parties.

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IMG_1046.JPGWe have seldom wanted to punch a guy in face as much as we did with the one on the right.

Topics of discussion:

  • The attractiveness of Bo Derek. Kyra Phillips. So much Kyra Phillips. We met CNN Washington bureau chief David Bohrman, who was not particularly thrilled to meet us, though he did insist that he likes blogs, and claimed to have once worked for the internet himself.

  • The parties of September, and how we desperately need them.

  • Whether Bo Derek would arrive on the back of Josh Bolten's motorcyle. (He didn't show.)

IMG_1051.JPGBut yeah, Bo's lookin' good.

Also: Models! Standing very still in the center of the room! Why? Who cares! They were from Saks or something.

IMG_1062.JPGThese actors, whose names nobody caught, were paraded like cattle before a completely uninterested crowd of drunk, unattractive people. It was kinda fun.

The only note we wrote down all evening involved the footwear of John McCaslin, and then we lost it. Gucci loafers? We can't remember. Thankfully, we found someone else's notes. All they say is "Tricia Messerschmitt and Edie Emery." Both of whom were there.

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Suddenly -- excitement! Jenna Bush was there! Or, uh, at Nylon. But nearby! We hurriedly and shamelessly went out in the rain to find her. But she'd left.

IMG_1085.JPGGoddamn, don't you really just want to punch this guy?

Here's an article that explains what this thing is that we were celebrating. We sat through the lengthy presentation and we're still unclear -- all we know is that the bartender's refused to serve us until it ended.

IMG_1092.JPGWe attempted to take an unobtrusive photo of DC's favorite dementia-suffering dog-abuser Karen Feld as Examiner employees slowly sidled away and pretended not to know us.

We ended up closing the place, which wasn't that hard, as they kicked everyone out at ten. Come on, Washington, we know it's a Wednesday, but put a little effort into it. There was an afterparty, but that bar sounded decidedly non-open.

MyNetworkTV's Party at Cafe Milano [FishbowlDC]

Update: Karen Feld is not happy with this post.

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