Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Piña Colada!
Piña Colada
2 oz. Bacardi Dark Rum
1 ½ oz. creme de coconut
1 ½ oz. pineapple juice
1 oz. fresh lime juice
Dried pineapple
Maraschino cherry
Combine all ingredients in a blender with ice. Blend until a head of froth forms. Serve in a glass garnished with dried pineapple wedge, maraschino cherry, and a small umbrella.
This drink is so very, very good when you make it from scratch. Most “piña colada mix” has only a passing familiarity with coconut or pineapple, and intimate knowledge of high fructose corn syrup. If you’ve never had the real thing, please make this. In an interview about this drink, Tony Cecchini of the Long Island Bar in New York said, “If you put your hand to it and do it with care, almost anything can be made well.” That applies to every cocktail I’ve given to you, and it certainly applies here. A well made piña colada is a glass of sunshine, worth every ounce of effort.
Conversely, the large number of cheap, slapdash piña coladas out there have ruined this drink’s reputation. The '80s were the dark ages of cocktails, when artificial ingredients and low-rent fern bars came to the fore. That Song - you know the one - was released in 1979. After it hit #1, every bar was serving frozen piña coladas from a slushie machine filled with premade mix and dirt-cheap rum. And those piña coladas were uniformly terrible.
I’m not averse to frozen drinks per se. They’re lower proof than cocktails on the rocks, but they’re wonderful beachside in scorching weather. What’s better than an alcoholic slushie on a hot summer day? But it’s difficult to get that icy texture at home without a dedicated machine. A well made piña colada on the rocks at home is still delightful, and well worth the effort.
This is a drink that scales up well for a party. Equal parts creme de coconut and pineapple juice make your “piña colada mix”. Add one part lime juice, two parts rum, and three parts mix to your blender and you’re ready to go. The last time I made these by the blenderful, I was tending bar for my extended family in the Florida Keys, just before the pandemic. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll all go back again.
Kitteh shot. Nightshade, my photography assistant, approves of the garnish. Matthew Hooper
Let’s talk ingredients:
Bacardi Dark Rum: I love dark rum in my piña coladas. The spice and caramel notes add character to the coconut and pineapple, and I’m fond of the cafe au lait color of the final drink. This is a Puerto Rican drink, and as such it deserves Puerto Rican rum. I’ve used Bacardi Anejo four-year in this recipe before, and it’s great. However, Bacardi is making a dark rum that’s also quite good here. They force the aging process, which makes for a less sophisticated product. However, Bacardi Dark is half the price of four-year-old Puerto Rican rum. If you’re hosting a midwinter luau, the budget option is terrific. Choose based on your price point and your taste.
Creme de coconut: Creme de coconut is heavily sweetened and emulsified coconut milk. There’s really no substitute; “real” organic coconut milk isn’t sweet enough, and it separates out quickly in a cocktail. You will probably need to stir together the creme de coconut you find canned at the grocery. It’s not a product that’s flying off the shelves in midwinter. I ended up pouring the entire can into my blender and pureeing it until smooth. Odds are good you’ll end up using the whole can soon; this stuff is spoonable coconut frosting, and it’s totally addictive. La Preferida is my brand of choice.
Pineapple juice: Use canned. Fresh pineapple juice isn’t acidic enough, and it doesn’t hold in the fridge well. I use the small cans from Dole, so I don’t waste much.
Lime juice: For a party, go ahead and use bottled stuff. You’re working in bulk, you're excused. If you’re a party of one, use fresh. But don’t omit this entirely; the acid is needed to cut through the unctuousness of the coconut.
Garnish: At the bar, I’d use fresh pineapple chunks to make my “flag.” Here, I used dried pineapple chunks. They’re much more likely to be eaten than a whole jar of fresh pineapple lurking in the fridge. I don’t normally use maraschino cherries, but sometimes you need that pop of candy-apple red on a garnish… and I have designs on the cherry juice for a later cocktail.
In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below! Seriously, my boss is awesome, if you like reading my recipes please chip in! And if you'd like to buy some bar gear or books from Amazon, please click here!
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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Rufty Tufty!
Rufty Tufty
1.5 oz Beefeater Gin
1.5 oz Carpano Sweet Vermouth
.5 oz Cherry Heering
.5 oz demerara syrup
2 dashes orange bitters
Orange twist
Stir all ingredients over ice in a cocktail stirring glass. Strain into a chilled coupe glass and garnish with the orange twist.
The original Hanky Panky is equal parts gin and sweet vermouth, with a few dashes of Fernet Branca and a lemon twist. Ada Coleman, who preceded Harry Craddock as head bartender of the Savoy Hotel, created it when Sir Charles Hawtrey, a celebrated actor of the day, stormed into the bar demanding something with “punch.” She offered him this variation on the Martinez. After a few sips, he exclaimed, “By Jove! That is the real hanky-panky!” The name stuck.
I can see why this one appeared on Valentine’s Day menus. For starters, there’s the name. How can you not serve up some hanky panky on Valentine’s Day? The story of the drink is interesting. And it features some of the darlings of mixology — nice gin, a good sweet vermouth, and our shot of choice, Fernet Branca. I’ve written before about how this strong, bitter, mentholated liquor keeps us propped up at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night. A little dash of this sounds like it would be great with the right backbone, right?
Well … not really. Just because bartenders love a thing doesn’t mean that non-cocktail nerds will love it with equal fervor. The Fernet Branca proved to be far more potent in this drink than I liked. A little menthol goes a long, long way, and while the cocktail was drinkable before stirring, chilling the drink made the whole experience … memorable. And not in a good way.
I didn’t panic (much). I understood what the drink was trying to accomplish. The Martinez was a great platform for a potent liqueur to stand on. It just needed something friendlier than the Fernet Branca. I had several likely candidates lurking in the cabinet, but I decided on Cherry Heering. Sweetened with a little demerara syrup and mellowed with orange bitters, the final result was fruity, herbal, and elegant. A perfect late-winter cocktail, and a refined way to start the festivities for any weekend.
Let’s talk ingredients:
Ingredient shot. The cocktail flirted off seductively after this photo was taken. Matthew Hooper
Beefeater Gin: There are better, and more expensive, gins out there, and I like seeing creative distillers build on the category. That being said, I love Beefeater. It’s the standard juniper-based gin, dating back to 1862. Whenever I’m building a classic cocktail, I go back to Beefeater as my base. And hands down, it makes the best gin and tonics out there.
Sweet vermouth: Sweet vermouth is a core component of many classic cocktails. If we left off the liqueur and other fiddly bits and just drank the gin and vermouth, we’d be sipping on a Martinez — a precursor to the modern martini — and we’d still be having a great time. The Martinez is quite nice all on its own. But much like the margarita, the Martinez is a terrific platform for all sorts of spirit-forward flavors. I’m sticking with Carpano sweet vermouth for now, but this would be the place to splurge on something pricier.
Cherry Heering: This herbal cherry-flavored liqueur seemed on point to me for a Valentine-oriented drink. But I’m not wedded to it as the only solution for fixing a Hanky Panky. Any sweet liqueur with potent flavor can go in this glass and make a great cocktail. Grand Marnier would be a terrific choice. Jagermeister is daring, but could be rewarding.
Demerara syrup: The Heering was a little too bitter for this drink. The sugar brightened the cocktail and let the fruit notes shine. One part sugar in the raw, one part water, heat until dissolved.
Orange bitters: Some more fruit to balance the drink. Angostura bitters would be fine here, especially if you chose an herbal liqueur instead of a fruity one.
Orange twist: Don’t skip this. The scent of the orange peel will sharpen the drink and make the fruit notes more prominent.
In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below! Seriously, my boss is awesome, if you like reading my recipes please chip in! And if you'd like to buy some bar gear or books from Amazon, please click here!
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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Cocoa Negroni!
Cocoa Negroni
1.25 oz cocoa-infused Campari (see below)
1.25 oz Hayman’s of London Old Tom Gin
.5 oz Carpano sweet vermouth
4 dashes chocolate bitters
1 oz semisweet chocolate chips
Melt the chocolate chips. Using a food-safe brush, coat half of a double old-fashioned glass rim with the chocolate. Place the glass in the fridge for 10 minutes to let the chocolate set.
Add vermouth, gin, bitters, and cocoa Campari to the glass. Stir to combine. Add ice. Sip and enjoy.
Cocoa Infused Campari
2 oz cocoa nibs
750 ml (one bottle) Campari
Add cocoa nibs to the bottle of Campari. Let sit 2-3 days, shaking occasionally. Strain and decant.
The Negroni is one of my favorite winter gin cocktails. This bracing, beautiful glass was created in 1919 by Count Camillo Negroni, who asked his favorite bartender to swap out the soda water in an Americano for gin. It had apparently been a hard day for il conte, and he needed extra fortification. The Negroni has been a standby ever since. It’s not a cocktail for everyone. The Negroni is undeniably bitter and herbal. Stick around for a few sips, however, and you’ll find some unexpected sweetness, as the vermouth and the hidden soft notes of Campari assert themselves.
Let’s talk ingredients:
Ingredient shot. The chocolate truffles vanished shortly after this photo was taken. Matthew Hooper
Hayman’s of London Old Tom Gin: I’ve been in a rut when it comes to my gin selection. I really do like Beefeater or Boodles, but I thought I’d try something fresh for this recipe. I wanted to stick with a classic, juniper-forward gin, the kind of liquor Count Negroni would use in his glass. Any gin that describes itself as “Old Tom” fits the bill. Hayman’s works well here, but I like Beefeater gin better.
That being said, the gin is the least important element in this cocktail. You can swap it out for all sorts of alternatives and come up with something excellent. You can undo the count’s good work, replace the gin with soda water, and make an Americano — one of my favorite low-proof drinks. Swap the gin for bourbon and you have a Boulevardier. Pour in a funky Jamaican rum, and you’re sipping on a Kingston Negroni. This is a good place to flex some creativity.
Cocoa Campari: Campari is a problem child behind the bar. That vivid color! The unmistakable flavor!. It’s an ingredient for people who love the bitter things in life. Taste it enough, though, and you’ll find sweetness and syrupy body that lingers past the initial shock.
Taming that initial harsh bitterness is the trick. Complex tiki drinks like the Jungle Bird manage it without breaking a sweat. The Negroni requires delicate balance to become a great cocktail. Too much Campari and it’s undrinkable. Too little and the glass is unbalanced, tinny, simple, and sweet.
Infusing the Campari with cocoa puts a safety net under the high-wire balancing act. The earthiness grounds the sugar and scrubs the harshest bitter notes away. You want to use cocoa nibs, not cocoa powder — they’re very different things. I infused the Campari for just three days, but you could go an entire week before straining out the beans. No reason not to let the cocoa nibs give their all.
Carpano Sweet Vermouth: I was rightfully shamed into improving my vermouth game a few weeks ago. Carpano is a very nice choice. It’s an upgrade over Gallo that still won’t break the bank. Oddly enough, the vermouth will dominate the drink if you don’t use a light hand. The jam-like notes of good vermouth are welcome here, but you want to give everything in the glass room to shine.
Chocolate Bitters: It’s worth hunting these down. Chocolate bitters are definitely chocolatey, but they also have chicory notes and other supporting flavors to ground a drink that might otherwise taste thin.
Chocolate garnish: Despite the cocoa infusion and the bitters, this drink doesn’t read as “chocolate” on its own. It’s like red velvet cake — technically chocolate, mostly about other flavors, and red. Painting a little chocolate on the rim of the glass gives you a whiff of cocoa with every sip. It wakes up the chocolate and makes a somewhat rough drink approachable.
In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below! Seriously, my boss is awesome, if you like reading my recipes please chip in! And if you'd like to buy some bar gear or books from Amazon, please click here!
OPEN THREAD!
