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Why This Hall & Oates Video Sparked Outrage! Tabs, Thurs., March 18, 2021

It didn't. Come read your tabs!

JUSTIFIED! (Variety)

Now you can sing the JUSTIFIED theme song while you read about all the people the FBI is still arresting for the Capitol Riot, like this prince! (HuffPost)

Or these ones!

JUSTIFIED!

Youtuber so mad he is being charged with all the illegal things he filmed himself doing. (Jalopnik)

JUSTIFIED!

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News

Put Vinegar On Bread And Leave It In Your Garage, Here's Why! Tabs, Wed., March 17, 2021

I feel like this has something to do with yeast infections. It's tabs!

Now back to our regularly scheduled mass shootings. A young man has shot up three different massage parlors in Atlanta, killing mostly Asian women as well as a white woman and a couple of men. We could wonder if he just hates women, or if he just hates Asian people because the former president was so successful in fingering them for the pandemic that hate crimes against Asian Americans are at about 30 times the usual hate crime rate, or if he just hates massage parlors, or we could just lie down on the floor a while. (Atlanta Journal Constitution)

Let's take a break. Hey, let's call our dads and sing The Unicorn Song with them!

Fox News really is turning its viewers into a death cult. โ€” Amanda Marcotte at Salon

Joe Biden says it's time for Andrew Cuomo to Guomo. โ€” NBC News

West Virginia, which seceded from Virginia to stay in the Union, wants to make sure the Confederacy it fought against stays honored forever. White people, boy, I don't know. (Charleston Gazette-Mail)

Speaking of white people boy I don't know, the Mercers and Peter Thiel have a new Great White Hope for the great state of Ohio, and it's the Hillbilly Elegy fuckhead who somehow tricked a bunch of nice libs into thinking he cared about anything beyond sanitizing the "alt-right." Truthout could be way more bitchier about it, if you ask Wonkette!

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News

Hilarious Headstones That Will Make You Chuckle! Tabs, Thurs., March 11, 2021

Too many news! It's TABS!

Dare you to try to figure out what Peter Doocy's talking about. Does he think Biden shut down all the schools? Does he think Biden can tell them to open or shut, either way? Does he WANT to take away the schools' "local control"? Is he mad that they're open, or mad that they're closed? You don't know, and neither does he.

The women who run Biden's legislative outreach are apparently full of leprechaun magic and rainbows. (But could massage the progressives better.) (Daily Beast)

Red states do well under the Big Bill, because they're poor and Joe Biden and congressional Dems aren't petty dicks. โ€” Reuters

Eric Boehlert would like to take this opportunity to read the media covering for the Republican obstruction of the coronavirus relief bill FOR FILTH. (PressRun)

Oh Mississippi Republican Senator Roger Wicker, you scamp.

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News

Where Did Jessica Simpson's Edible Beauty Product Line Go? Tabs, Mon., March 8, 2021

Oh wait that sounds good actually, can I have that? It's tabs!

I mean, it is good that Joe Manchin voted for the Big Bill! But I think his sticking point โ€” angry that the first $10,000 of unemployment benefits would be tax free, so as not to bite the people in the direst current straits โ€” is very strange, particularly for a man whose main complaint before then was that the aid wasn't "targeted" closely enough to only those who really needed it. Inside the back and forth the days before the vote. (CNN)

Economist nerd stuff about the Big Bill! We just got near-universal welfare in through the back door, supposedly progressive bitchers. โ€” Noahpinion

Hi Rosa DeLauro hiiiii!

Big Bill, very big deal. (HuffPost)

We the Living People-of-the-state-of-Iowa (and not the PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF IOWA, the corporate entity which we hold forfeit in perpetuity), as living souls in our Sovereign Capacity as people of preamble to the 1787 Constitution for the United States of America, do hereby declare that we're tired of trying to mimic this SovCit arglebargle, but we're right and you're wrong anyway, SHEEPLE. (THUMBPRINT) (Bill!)

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