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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Piña Colada!

Winter's over now, because I said so.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. And I am sick to death of winter. It’s cold, rainy, and gloomy in Ohio, and I’m desperate for warmth and sunshine. Late winter calls for spirit-forward cocktails, mostly with gin and vermouth, and I am mostly tired of all of them. Can’t I have something simple, and straightforward, and juice-centric? Can I please have my rum bottle back? I know it’s not a winter drink, but can I please have a freaking piña colada?

Yes, yes, I can. Because it’s my bar, and I make the rules, and sometimes you have to ignore the calendar and drink what you like. And right now, I would like a piña colada very much. Here’s the recipe.

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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Rufty Tufty!

It's Hanky Panky, but not as kinky.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I recently saw a classic cocktail pop up at the local high-end bars for Valentine’s Day. The Hanky Panky dates back to 1903, and the ingredients seemed enticing. I tried it. My wife tried it. And then I made something better. Let’s have some Rufty Tuftys. Here’s the recipe.

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All The Heated Texts Released From The Royal Family Rift! Tabs, Wed., Feb. 15, 2023

Just kidding, we ain't linking to that. Morning news roundup!

Feinstein peaces out. Please don't be dicks about her senility, it's sad. (Talking Points Memo)

A whole nother grandma went to jail for helping people vote! (This one wasn't quite as egregious as "went to jail for giving people rides in her car, because what could be?) (Marc Elias at Democracy Docket)

More on the East Palestine, Ohio, train derailment: The shit flying around the air, the railroad's pathetically small "inconvenience" checks, and how they "spent big" to successfully lobby against safe brakes for trains carrying hazardous waste, because new brakes would cost more money. (The American Prospect)

Now do every Post Office board of governors member who won't fire Louis DeJoy. — CNN

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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Cocoa Negroni!

Who doesn't want a little chocolate on Valentine's Day?

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. Valentine’s Day is looming large on the horizon. I wanted to post a romantic cocktail, but after a while, “romantic cocktail” starts to mean yet another dessert martini. This time, I went off the beaten path with a bright red, chocolatey drink that still manages to be bitter and complex, like many a love affair. Let’s sip some Cocoa Negronis together. Here’s the recipe.

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