Maybe you shouldn't have tried to pass off the cheesecake recipe as your own, PAM. It's tabs!
I am ... actually surprised. Hospitalized COVID patients say they regret not getting the shot. (NBC News) Vax-less assholes overwhelming the ERs and making Missouri nurses cry again, dying for no fucking reason. (KansasCity)
Oh ha ha.
Noting that the government is falling short of its Covid vaccine goals is an applause line at CPAC Dallas https://t.co/og9Fw1MRAv— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1625948227.0
Make Republicans pay a political price for valorizing the 1/6 insurrectionists and discouraging young people from getting the vaccine. Engage the goddamn culture war and WIN IT. Good newsletter from Brian Beutler.
You know how the mean ol' NSA is spying on Tucker Carlson? Eric Boehlert would like to make some excellent points.(PressRun)
Not only is South Dakota's Hit and Run AG attempting to access his late victim's medical records to see if he might have been "suicidal," but somehow he's also still South Dakota's AG! — MPR
Did a Denver hotel housekeeper stop a Vegas-style massacre? And if she did, why have three people been arrested in addition to the guy who said he'd "go out in a big way"? MYSTERY. (Denver Channel) Oh, that was the second hotel housekeeper this week; the first was in Chicago, in a hotel overlooking "Fourth of July festivities." What fun we have in the US of A! (ABC News)
A list of absolutely insane gun laws Texas Gov. Greg Abbott signed in June, okay. (KSAT)
The Agony and the Ecstasy of Covering Trump. Really fun Julia Ioffe look at the reporters who made names reporting on the crazies and incompetents. — Tomorrow Will Be Worse
LOOK AT THE BEE GEES STATUE LOOOOOOK AT ITTTTTT. (BBC)
Oh you're a mean old daddy but I like you.
In 1969, Cary Raditz, a recent graduate of the University of North Carolina, quit his job in advertising and headed to Europe to bum around with his girlfriend. They ended up in Matala, on the island of Crete, where they found a bunch of hippies living in a network of caves. Raditz soon decamped for Afghanistan in a VW bus; when he returned, his girlfriend had bailed, but there was word that a new girl was headed to Matala. Raditz didn't know much about Joni Mitchell, but "there was buzz" among the hippies, and, soon enough, he found himself watching the sunset with one of the most extraordinary people alive. Raditz and Mitchell shared a cave for a couple of months, travelled around Greece together, and parted ways.
Go ahead and keep reading. — The New Yorker
"How about don't knock on my door!" No More Mister Nice Blog has had it with these Republicans in our uterus demanding nobody even OFFER them a vaccine.
The doomsday prepper grifter, his "Life Continuity" compound "The Haven," and an extremely pissed off former friend, mark, and investor, best-selling techno-thriller author Brad Thor. DANG, a longread! — Sam Biddle at The Intercept
Oh my god, Bessie Dreaming Bear. Oh my god.
Interior Secretary Deb Haaland announced an investigation into the generational traumas of American Indian boarding schools. (NPR)
NEW KITCHEN! all put away making marshmallow chocolate cupcakes with my girls 👧💕 https://t.co/hhaunffL7B— Master Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King (@Master Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King)1625945501.0
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Also, the best glass of blueberry lemonade you'll ever drink.
Greetings, Wonketteers! I'm Hooper, your bartender. Last week I got a request to help out with a blueberry mojito. Fruit, mint, sugar, and booze are all awesome, but balancing all these things out is a bit of a trick. Here's my take on making it all work.
2 oz vodka
20 fresh blueberries
2 fresh mint leaves
2 oz. Honey syrup
½ oz. Cointreau
½ oz. Lime juice
Add fruit, honey syrup, Cointreau, lime juice, and vodka to a tumbler. Gently muddle the fruit. Bruise the mint leaves and add to the glass. Shake and strain into an iced highball glass. Top with soda water and garnish with fresh fruit. 1-2 mint leaves, and a straw.
Almost every ingredient in this recipe can be switched for something else. I'll run down some possible iterations in the ingredient list. There are a lot of flavors at work here, and figuring out what goes well with what can be a challenge. I leaned hard on The Flavor Bible by Karen Page to choose my flavors. This book is an absolute godsend when you're trying something new in the kitchen or at the bar. I can't recommend it highly enough.
On to the ingredients!
Ingredient shot. The blueberry smash disappeared mysteriously after this photo was taken.Matthew Hooper
Vodka: Any good-quality domestic vodka is fine. I chose Tito's because they're nice to dogs. If you replace the vodka with another spirit, it literally becomes a different drink. Swap the vodka for rum, and it's a mojito. Change it to bourbon, and it's a julep. Use gin, and it's a gin daisy. I personally prefer vodka in this recipe. There's a lot of flavors involved in the glass, and I don't want the liquor to get in the way. But use your favorite – you really can't go wrong. One caveat: Do not use a cheap flavored vodka. Stoli Blueberry? Bad, bad move. Artificial flavors and natural flavors in the same glass are… ech. You'll regret it, I promise.
Blueberries: Blueberries are at their peak right now; it's the perfect time to enjoy them. But just about any fruit works. I serve a strawberry smash at the bar that's a top seller. Peaches? Absolutely. Blackberries? Go for it. There are no wrong answers here. Use more fruit than you think you need, though. Fresh fruit is surprisingly subtle in a chilled glass. And be gentle when you muddle – you want to break the berries, not mash them.
Fresh mint: Be gentle with this herb. You do not want to muddle it with the fruit – it'll become a black, shredded mess. Pinch the leaves between your fingers before adding them to glass; when you shake the drink the ice will do the rest. Basil's another great choice here, especially with strawberries.
Honey syrup: Honey tastes awesome here, but it's hard to use it straight out the jar. It's too thick to pour properly, and it takes forever to dilute in a cocktail. Make a honey syrup instead – 1 part water, 1 part honey, stir until dissolved. Much easier. Simple syrup would work fine here, too. Maple syrup would be absolutely stunning if you have some – go for it. Use a heavy hand with your sweetener. Fresh fruit needs a lot of sugar to stand out.
Cointreau: The Flavor Bible notes that triple sec and blueberries play together well. I thought we'd use a little leftover Cointreau from the margaritas last week. Triple sec is okay here too. You might want to leave this out if you're working with peaches or nectarines, but it'll be a welcome addition to any version of this recipe that features berries.
Lime juice: You need acid to balance out the drink. I considered lemon juice for a moment, but it's too acidic and too distinct.
Soda water: Use cheap bottled stuff or a SodaStream. Fancy sparkling water won't improve the drink much.
Shake and serve: Shake this drink a little longer than normal. You only need to shake a drink for 8-10 seconds to get it cold. Work this one over for an extra 2 seconds to muddle the fruit and mint. It does layer with the soda water, so a straw's mandatory.
Doing a non-alcoholic version of this one is a bit tricky. Alcohol is great for extracting flavors when you muddle; water won't do. A strong acid can pull it off, though. Try this:
Blueberry mint lemonade. Some extra Tito's might have made its way into this before it vanished.Matthew Hooper
Blueberry Mint Lemonade
¼ cup fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup honey syrup
2 mint leaves
Splash of orange blossom water
Muddle the blueberries in lemon juice. Add honey syrup, mint, and orange blossom water. Shake, strain, and serve.
This is very tart as written — feel free to adjust the honey/lemon juice ratio. Even with the strong lemon juice in play, the blueberries come through wonderfully, and you can barely pick up on the mint and orange blossom at the end. It's the most decadent lemonade you'll ever drink.
In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, drink with a friend. Also, please tip your bartender and donate to Wonkette at the link below.
Also, if you want to buy The Flavor Bible, or a SodaStream, or some nifty bar gear, please use this link to shop at Amazon.
Bet I did. Come on it, it's tabs!
Lauren Boebert's district in Mesa County, Colorado, had a shitkickin' country music festival, and guess what happened, no guess. (Charlotte Observer)
I guess I missed the Politico "Kamala Harris runs a mean office bad lady girlboss" story, because I'm just finding out about it from Eric Boehlert! (I am of course familiar with Amy Klobs's salad comb, and also a pretty jerkoff-motion Business Insider takedown last week of Mean Boss Kyrsten Sinema, for whom I do not care but MAN was it jerkoff-motion.) — PressRun
Yestertoday's big culture story was the woman who says she is (and the author admitted) the protagonist in last year's — wait, three years ago? Fuck! — New Yorker story "Cat Person." But instead of a big ol' fucktussle cancel culture bloodletting, she approaches the author with respect, and is treated with respect, and it's gentle and thoughtful like the Before Times. (Slate)
Related, this 2016 Fresh Air interview with memoirist Mary Kerr about writing about people and being written about. Also gentle and thoughtful and respectful and INTERESTING! Who owns your story? Whose do you own? — NPR
Louis DeJoy raising mail rates on newspapers and magazines. (AP)
Why do I know the full name of the postmaster general in 2020???
California to pay victims of forced sterilizations. *Goes to bang head gently on floor.* (AP)
Marginally less awful: Advertising industry Are You Fucking Kidding Me harassment stories. — Zoe, Musings of a Wandering Mind substack
Tim Miller went to GETTR and oh what fun he had!
But back to our verification problem: The "official" Frito's account posted a series of absurdist memes that featured a suggestion that users should dip their penises into a Wendy's frosty. The "official" Domino's account is much more obsessed with "breeding" than with pizza (and not so subtly requested that women send selfies in which they are covered in feces). Meanwhile the Ford Motor Company is "horny" and has joined the "pisser army" being spearheaded by Still Piss Kink Proud.
Rick Hasen PISSED about Sam Alito's voting-non-rights decision in Brnovich. I was on vacation! Let's learn more! (Slate)
Rep. Mo Brooks sure does seem to have a lot of other people who are responsible for 1/6, not him, since Eric Swalwell sued his ass for inciting a bunch of assholes to hunt down Congress like ... horror movie reference, I don't watch those, so I don't know. (AL Reporter)
Rep. Lauren Underwood — whom we love, and you do too! — smacks Joe Scarborough on gun violence, on MSNBC.
Remember when Michael Avenatti was our husband? That was fun! He's going to prison now. (Politico)
Chilled noodle dishes! — Food and Wine
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Do you need a primer on how gerrymandering and the Supreme Court fuck voters? Because Hillary Clinton is wearing her schoolmarm shoes. (Democracy Docket)
Oh fuck, QAnon is running for schoolboard. (NBC News)
Pennsylvania idiot wants to import Arizona's singularly successful fraudit. — Politico
Speaking of! This poor farmer-senator, a devout Christian and Republican, who audited Michigan's 2020 election and is so fucking sad that all his neighbors are believing these fucking grifters and Trump, who's calling him out by name as COVER UP. If you have any more pageviews remaining at The Atlantic, this is excellent.
Fox is ignoring its star Tucker Carlson's BOMBSHELL ACCUSATION that the NSA is spying on him, because of how he's a huge liar. To wit!
If you're like me, you've endured the frustration of having a package delayed. If you're like Carlson, you've vented that frustration on your nationally televised cable news show by suggesting that nefarious forces at UPS may have seized your delivery as part of a plot to elect Joe Biden president. Just days before the 2020 election, Carlson claimed on-air that a cache of documents about Biden's family that his staff had sent across the country to him had mysteriously vanished. When UPS subsequently tracked down the thumb drive in question, which had been separated from its packaging in a facility, Carlson's response was to tell his audience, "Someone, for some reason, opened our package and removed a flash drive containing documents that were damaging to the Biden family." Strangely, Carlson never reported on the supposedly election-shifting documents in question.
TechDirt is beside itself reading Trump's newest LOLsuit. (TechDirt)
Amanda Marcotte moves from that terrible National Review essay demanding liberal women bang with Trumpist men to ... Dan Patrick getting a talk canceled because it was about how the white rage at Mexico banning slavery led to the Alamo, and then Liz Cheney, Ashli Babbitt, Mike Pompeo, and Martin Luther King. I'm not entirely sure the throughline works on this one, unless the throughline is "some of the many astounding bullshits they perpetrated this week." — Salon
Oh hello, new tab: Dan Patrick got a talk canceled because it was about how the white rage at Mexico banning slavery led to the Alamo. (Salon)
Even Richard Neal, the "Democrat" House Ways and Means Committee chairman who keeps fucking legislation to avert "surprise billing," thinks we need to crack down on abuse of retirement tax shelters for the ultra-rich, and has a bill to address Peter Thiel's $5 billion ROTH Ira. He just also happens to have this other bill that will make it impossible for the IRS to do anything about it! Ho ho ho, isn't life rich. (ProPublica)
Volunteers put a Mozilla extension on their browser to track YouTube videos they "regretted" being served by the tech monolith's algorithm, and you will absolutely believe what happened next! (YouTube served them shitty, dangerous videos.) — TechCrunch
Hertz Rental Cars: Now with FREE USED JIMMY HATS*
*Free used jimmy hats included with standard $75 cleaning fee. (LA Times)
Put down the Hot Cheeto's, Frito Lay ON STRIKE. — KSNT
Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee sent unemployment insurance back to the feds, but has a pot of money to pay tourists to come to Nashville. People who are not Bill Lee are perplexed! (Fox17)
Meanwhile, California Gov. Gavin Newsom has a $5 billion fund to help you pay your rent and bills. Who does he think he is, Wonkette??? — How to apply, at Sacramento Bee
Who's got $10 million for me to buy the '50s dream house with TRAINS. Thank you for your attention in this matter! (Zillow)
Cherry strudel! Frozen cherry margaritas! Cherry gin! CHERRY ALL THE THINGS! — The Guardian