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Rudy Giuliani Has Thing To Say, And It Is A Noun, A Verb, And 'KOREAN PERJURY TRAPS!'

This is the last time we are writing about Rudy Giuliani this week, WE SWEAR.

HE'S BEEN IN A KOREAN PERJURY TRAP BEFORE! IT GAVE HIM A SPLINTER!

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Mommyblogging

Y'all Getting Rowdy In Here?

Care for a drink?

Looks like time to hit the liquor store

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News

Mitt Romney Like Hot Dog Best. Hamburger Second Best But Hot Dog Best.

Not steak though. Steak just OK but not as good as second best hamburger or very best hot dog.

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Everywhere Else News

Sorry, Puerto Rico, That FEMA Thought This One Lady Could Make You 30 Million Hot Meals

How could FEMA give Chef Jose Andres a $30 million contract to feed Puerto Rico when it was busy giving $156 million to this lady who couldn't?

You kind of have to hand it to Tiffany Brown, an entrepreneur, "mogul," designer, wellness specialist, doctor-of-something (her LinkedIn doesn't say!) out of Atlanta. She's got hustle! Maybe not enough hustle to follow through on her promised 30 million hot meals ready to eat for Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria. And maybe not enough hustle to follow through on at least five other contracts that have been canceled by various branches of the government over the past few years. But she knows her way around the system! Although maybe not the system of "delivering stuff you promised." As of now, her business lifestyle website, tiffanycbrown.com, is down, most certainly unable to handle the large traffic delivered by curious readers of the New York Times. But while it was up, it had posts about cookie dough you can eat raw, and how to best define your natural curls.

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Featured

Finally! A Dorito For Me, A Woman.

Sure, we wanted equal pay, but we got tinier, less crunchy Doritos. And if that's not a win, I don't know what is.

For far too long, ladies like me have had to sit by the wayside as we watch the menfolk enjoying the delicious flavored tortilla chips known to the world as Doritos. As much as we might try to enjoy them ourselves, certain things have always gotten in the way. The crunching, for one, is far too loud! As a woman, I pride myself on being as accommodating as humanly possible, and "too loud" crunching could interrupt a man when he is explaining to me why I am wrong, or watching his favorite TV show. How can one be seen and not heard with all that CRUNCHING going on? Chomp chomp chomp! So unladylike!

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Culture

A Step By Step Guide To Putting FRENCH ONION ROAST BEEF SLIDERS Inside Your Face!

OH MAN YOU WANT TO EAT THESE SO HARD.

This is the best picture we got because THE POWER WENT OUT.

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News

Wherein Wonkette Defends GOP Florida Man Against Scurrilous Charges Of 'ICE PENIS'

Don't say Wonkette is never fair to Republicans.

First of all, you know Wonkette believes women. This is not an article about that. Secondly, we know lots of Republican men are gross (and other men too!) and that Florida Man is a particularly terrible example of the species, so we would not be knocked over with a feather to learn that Joshua Cooper, a well-paid GOP consultant from Florida and a close pal of GOP Batboy Governor Rick Scott, did in fact commit this crime against a mannequin:

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Culture

Eat This Leftover Stuffing Strata For Every Meal You Can, Until You Run Out Of Stuff

The most delicious day of the year.

EAT THIS NOW.

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Culture

Buttercup Squash Pie To Bring To Thanksgiving Dinner

Pumpkins aren't the only pieworthy squash, you know.

Farm boy, make me a pie.

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Culture

Stuffed Acorn Squash With Barley And Sausage And Pork Stock And Beer

It's a RECIPE, DUMMY.

Since you are such a fucking idiot that you did not realize that acorn squash are for eating and not just for festive centerpieces, here is a recipe. It is easy to make, and you can do most of the work ahead of time and bake it off when you want to eat.

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Culture

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette's Real Cranberry Business

We hereby challenge Susan Stamberg to a cage match. Of cranberry recipes.

Richard Nixon on Wonkette's Cranberry Business: 'This cranberry business PUNISHES'

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Culture

Betty Ford's Boozy Chocolate Cake

Mom, who are those people?

That is one ugly tux, in the way only '70s formalwear could do ugly.

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Culture

Put Thanksgiving In Your Mouth With Grown-Up Baked Mac And Cheese, For Grown-Ups

It's mac and cheese, for grown up adults. No, that doesn't mean booze. (It could mean booze.)

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Culture

Rush Limbaugh's 'Under The Sea' Salad Has Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip, No Oxycodone

What, wrong cartoon crab? Look who's getting all picky.

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Culture

The Jell-O Recipe That Mamie Eisenhower Used To Win The Cold War

This Jello recipe made David Eisenhower fall for Julie Nixon. You could look it up.

You want this cake? I WANT IT!

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Culture

Making Thanksgiving 'Monkey Bread' With Nancy Reagan, FOREVER!

Her astrologer said the stars were propitious. She assumed that had something to do with blowjobs.

'So what happens in this room here?'

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