Hello, it's Gawker Media HQ again. Don't be alarmed -- the Wonkster is fine, she's just waiting patiently in her exurban dungeon for Verizon to show up and do her modem right. Any telecom industry lobbyists wanna pull a few strings to get a lady some service? Otherwise, you can spend the next forty-five minutes or so with your heads down on your desks -- or, better yet, why don't you send us 2500 words on what the fuck happened to make Michelle Malkin the way she is? From what we can tell, she sounds kind of fun. Does she do parties, besides the "W Stands For Women" circuit? Because we think there's a big market in pundit-strippers for Beltway bachelor parties -- we're pretty sure that sideline fits in well with our so-called "business model." Anyway. Wonking commences shortly.