We remember those happy Thanksgiving evenings when, after the f'ball was over, the networks would show a fine old classic movie: The Sound of Music, or maybe Mary Poppins. Well, at Your Wonkette, we have some classic family viewing from 1965, although it pains us to report that Julie Andrews does not seem to be in these: A reel of delightful Rural Civil Defense TV Spots from 1965, courtesy of the Internet Archive! Watch as a charmingly relatable papier-mache marionette farmer prepares to survive the fallout from a nuclear holocaust -- we like how one of his pipe-cleaner eybrows is arched just so.

Also strangely reassuring is the gently chiding voice of the narrator:

  • "Keep calm -- panic only wastes valuable time."
  • "You could have made things easier for youself by preparing all these things before the emergency occurred"
  • Yeah, you slacker! Now that the fallout's a-comin' you wish you hadn't spent all that time readin' yer fancy agronomy books, dontcha?

    Also, there's the cheerful suggestion that global thermonuclear war will just be a minor inconvenience:

  • "Suppose you don't have a fallout shelter, and you have several hours of warning after the attack, but before the radioactive fallout reaches your area"
  • That's awesome! I'll have time to tidy up a little!

  • "Remember, the important point about radioactive fallout is shielding. The more shielding between you and the radiation, the more protection."
  • Yes, but what if I'm just confusing shielding with emotional distance?

    Watch these with your kids. We hear kids just LOVE puppets!

    You know what else kids love? We mean, besides cleaning up their school as part of Newt Gingrich's Urban Responsibility Corps, of course. That's right, comic books. Kids just love comic books! So to make it a theme night, here's a link to a 1953 story about the blessings of the atom, Andy's Atomic Adventures. Thrill to the story of a little boy who live right next to the Nevada nuclear testing range, and whose mom is getting "treatments" for an unspecified something or other, we don't know what, but Our Friend the Atom will help make her all better! Comic is from Pappy's Golden Age Comics Blogzine, a treasure trove of strange old graphic arts -- check the other weirdass offerings they have! We were disappointed, however, that we could not find a copy of the exciting 1992 sequel, Andy's Big Downwinder Lawsuit.

    UPDATE: Because we just saw this silly thing on Twitter:

    Assume dear derped.

    [Internet Archive / Pappy's Golden Age Comics]

    Doktor Zoom

    Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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    While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

    But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

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    Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

    (Spoiler alert ....)

    Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

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