Wonkette's Manic Pixie Dream Top Ten

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Ahoy!

Rebecca is off, so I am here to bring you your top ten. Aren't you excited? I bet you are excited.

10. Rick Santorum So Glad Pilgrims Discovered 'Blank Slate' America, Empty Of People And Culture — Rick Santorum continues being the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex, by me, Robyn.

9. Texas 'Patriot' Couple Cops To Fighting Cops At Capitol Riots — Also from me. These people are so bad at crime. I'm not saying I would be better at crime, but I watch a lot of Dateline so I at least know not to brag about crimes online, were I to commit one.

8. Let's All Watch The First Presidential Address To Congress Since 2016! — This is an Evan! Joe Biden spoke to congress, we watched it, lots of people liked it, except for Tim Scott and all of the Republicans in office, probably.

7. German Police Defuse Sex Bomb, Bavaria Safe From Explosive Orgasms — This is a Dok, and it sadly has nothing to do with Tom Jones.

6. Put Down Your Chram, Rudy, The FBI's At The Door! — Evan again! The FBI went to Rudy Giuliani's house and said KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER.

5. Rudy Giuliani's Lawyer Issued A Statement For His Client. It Is #BeBest. — Also Evan. Also Rudy Giuliani.

4. Former Congressman From 'Hee Haw' Not Comin' Back, Not That You Were Asking — This is a Liz. I am not going to Google to see if that guy was actually on Hee Haw.

3. Newt Gingrich's Heart Breaks For 'People Of Traditional Values' Traumatized By Pride Flags — Oh poor Newt, by me, a person who does not actually feel bad for Newt or consider handing one's wife divorce papers while she's dying of cancer to be a great example of family values.

2. The Only Thing Worse Than A Disney Adult Is A Racist Disney Adult — Me again. Where is the lie?

1. Megachurch Pastor: Satan Made Falwell Jr. Watch His Wife Bone The Pool Boy — Also me. There are definitely some lies here.

So that is your top ten stories of the week!

And here is another picture of Beautiful Fairy Donna Rose, who is extremely good at doing makeups.

I, too, subscribe to the "the more glitter the better" philosophy. I'm already halfway through the glitter shadows in the NARS Studio 54 Inferno palette and I haven't even been anywhere where red sparkly eyeshadow would make sense since before the pandemic.

So read these if you haven't already, and we'll be back with another post in a bit.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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