Wonkette's Top 10 Has It All Puzzled Out
Welcome, welcome to Wonkette's top 10 stories of the week, as chosen by a PARADE of BOATERS! Just kidding, those fuckers don't get to choose shit.
10. Grown-Ass President Wants A Cookie For Wearing A Mask In Public. He does! SER declines to give him one, it's very sad.
8. White House Cheers Sad Trump With Fake Polls, Trucks That Go VROOOOOOM! You guys, this is real life.
7. Church Of Holy Bleach Drinking Leader Will Now Have To Drink Bleach In Jail. He even said it's a non-religious church, just in it for that sweet sweet bleach money. You have to SAY it's a sincerely held religious belief for the Roberts Court to let you do your crazy shit.
6. Fired North Carolina Cop Explains That His Super Racist Comments Were Actually His Religious Beliefs. Like this guy! He gets it!
4. Trump: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, WHITE PEOPLE, RUN! AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Still real life.
3. No, Wayfair's Industrial Storage Units Do Not Come With Bonus Mole Children. Not real life.
1. Lady Who Tried To Cancel Everyone's Bread Baking Is So Mad She Got 'Cancel Cultured'. She was real mad too. Everybody so mad all the time now! Not us, we are in this zen coma right here, you can just tell (not in a zen coma).
Anyway, that was this week's top 10 stories as chosen by a parade of boaters, not really, have some baby pictures, I don't feel like typing at you all the reason you should be giving us money, you either know it or you don't okay love you bye.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.