Wonkette's Unsolicited Advice For How Hillary Clinton Should Debate Donald Trump, You Are Welcome!
The New York Times had yet another story today about how Good Girl Hillary Clinton was doing all the preparation for her debate with Donald Trump this coming Monday night, from the mock debates with unknown blowhards standing in for Trump (we're devastated it's reportedly not Alec Baldwin) to making 200 frosted cupcakes before school with "Pick Flick" on them. Meanwhile, Bad Boy Donald Trump apparently can literally not even read.
Here, let's take a peek!
Mrs. Clinton has a thick dossier on Mr. Trump after months of research and meetings with her debate team, including analysis and assumptions about his psychological makeup that Clinton advisers described as critical to understanding how to knock Mr. Trump off balance. Mrs. Clinton has concluded that catching Mr. Trump in a lie during the debate is not enough to beat him: She needs the huge television audience to see him as temperamentally unfit for the presidency, and that she has the power to unhinge him.
DO IT HILLZ! UNHINGE HIM! (Lol, like it would be so hard.) Meanwhile, at Luthor's Lair ...
Mr. Trump, in turn, is approaching the debate like a Big Man on Campus who thinks his last-minute term paper will be dazzling simply because he wrote it.
Meow, NYT! Are you allowed to say that? Well, do go on:
He has paid only cursory attention to briefing materials. He has refused to use lecterns in mock debate sessions despite the urging of his advisers. He prefers spitballing ideas with his team rather than honing them into crisp, two-minute answers.
We are almost positive this paragraph originally referred to Trump's not liking to read, and only watching videos of Hillary instead. But there's no way to know, since the New York Times is constantly updating its stories without noting what was changed, because it is terrible at basic tenets of journalism lately.
So that's all great: Hillary Clinton will get under Donald Trump's skin by calling him "Donald," because he is the last American in America to insist on being called "Mister," because he has weird issues, and she will laugh at him for being poor, and he will continue to "spitball" ideas because he don't like to work so good. Yay, fun, we are sexcited for Monday's debate! You will watch it with us -- if you are in Chicago, you can literally watch it with us! -- and we will all laugh and gab!
But all we really want Hillary Clinton to do for two hours Monday night is this:
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.