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* In case you're just returning from a long vacation at a secluded Caribbean hideaway, where you had no access to television, radio, newspapers, or the internet, here's what you missed: Vice President Dick Cheney shot a man last weekend, then took his sweet time in telling the American people about it. (Wonkette's full coverage is available here.)


* To make matters worse, Dick Cheney may have engaged in "tight hole operations." (Do you really wanna know what "tight hole operations" are? Click here.)

* Maryland comptroller (and former state governor) William Donald Schaefer is one dirty old man. He might enjoy visiting the offices of Sen. Jeff Sessions.

* Down in the Sunshine State, Donna Shalala is livin' large, while Ann Coulter is making Palm Beach poll workers eat her dust.

* Meanwhile, back in Washington, Michael Chertoff spent much of last Wednesday sitting in the hot seat before the Senate. It wasn't as much fun as Brownie's testimony; but we now know that neither Chertoff nor Donald Rumsfeld uses email.

* Despite continued high jinks on the Hill, America's lawmakers are getting bored. And if something exciting doesn't happen soon, they won't be the only ones. Please, Mr. Vice President -- shoot somebody else this weekend!

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