Wonkette's Week in Review: Can't Stop the Beat

* We found an excuse to run this photo again. That's Rick Santorum's daughter Sarah Maria crying. Notice that Sarah Maria and her doll are dressed alike. Cool, huh? Sarah Maria taught herself to sew at unicorn internet homeschool.


* Tim Johnson is the Rosebud to our Citizen Kane. He's recovering, it seems, but no one knows who'll control the Senate when it reconvenes next month. This "news" has caught everyone by surprise, as the entire town is very thirsty and suffering from halitosis.

* Late Night Shots had a Christmas party at rat-infested shithole The Guards. A Wonkette Operative sent us photos and his/her full report.

* We crashed a billion parties, and helped you do the same. Read our glamorous reports from the CNN and Chamber of Commerce bashes. We're still waiting to hear about Thursday's U.S. Holocaust Museum party. Anyone?

* Little Jebby photographed pretending to have a Korbel bottle for a penis and happy memories of childhood. Columba! Arkansas Governor and Presidential Hopeful Mike Huckabee rushed a fraternity, then the frat website disappeared. Vagizzle!

* The only thing old married couples do is go to the movies and Donald Rumsfeld hasn't taken Joyce Rumsfeld in SIX YEARS. Oh, Joyce. You have a lot to process. Search your heart, his obsession with "The Sound of Music."

* How is it that the Taliban can resist the siren songs of little boys, but Congress can't? The House Republican Caucus needs to spend some time in the spanking corner.

* We said Happy Birthday to the Libertarian Party. They turned 35, but friends, don't they seem younger and less organized every year?

* The crazy liar of the week claimed tofu makes you gay. Wonkette commenter Sharky explains: "I press raw soy curd into a rod about a foot long and 2 inches thick and I forcibly insert it into my rectum."

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