Wonkette's Week In Review: First Of All, Mr. WDC, You Were Not My Boyfriend

* For those of you in a coma last week, guess what?! Nancy Pelosi was chosen as Speaker of the House, Steny Hoyer beat out John Murtha for Majority Leader. Blah, blah, news. Tom DeLay said he wants to give Nancy Pelosi "the shocker." Murtha got jealous and said he wanted to give it to her, too, and that he wants what Nancy wants. Trent Lott is Minority Whip, and it has been a week of "whip minorities" jokes.


* Mel Martinez is the new head of the RNC. He's straight, feels left out.

* Orientation Week created lots of fun for journalists, especially those at the Philadelphia Inquirer who believe being naive about the D.C. housing market is what Borat's all about. It was a crazy week, in general, so join us after the jump for more filthy highlights.

* We said goodbye to J.D. Hayworth. You remember, tan guy? Tried to ban the NYT from the Capitol?

* The WP executive editor Leonard Downie writes memo requiring reporters to have beats, writer shorter, wear fedoras.

* The Internet is democracy and James Baker III did scream at Cheney and Bush 43 (in a fetal position) in some Godfather-style Oval Office takeover meeting right before the election. Newsweek confirms.

* Mark Olson of the Minnesota State House doesn't admit to beating his wife, only to "placing her to the ground." It's in his kiss.

* High School actually never ends. This week Harry Reid, speaking about his peaceful working relationship with fellow Senator John Ensign, said: "It's not a 'Brokeback Mountain' situation."

* Chad Conrad Castagna

sent fake anthrax to Nancy Pelosi and Keith Olbermann and was arrested by the FBI last weekend. He was an avid, earnest blogger so it's easy to make fun of him.

* Rep. Adam Putnam blamed "white rednecks" for the Nov. 7 Republican loss. Hey Florida: You are silly.

* Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, lame duck representative from Texas, will only be with us for seven weeks but she's mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore. DeLay's staff walked out on her while the WP was there and then she demanded a congressional investigation of the walk-out. Why'd they leave? Because they are pussies, is why. All she wanted was President Bush and Vice President Cheney in the front row of her fake swearing-in. Bob Novak thinks she's a stand up gal, wants to give her the shocker, can't wait until she runs for president.

* The USDA solved America's hunger problem, and no, not by feeding homeless people deep fried flags or sending your leftover hog head to New Jersey.

* Another Senator's child causes physical harm to strangers: "Did D-D-Defeated DeWine's st-stuttering son really try to get in a fight with an innocent man minding his own business at dinner at the posh Bistro Jean Ro when he overheard him comment on the Defeated DeWhine?"

* Saying that the United Nations is brainwashing kids is pretty harsh, don't you think, Senator Inhofe? Especially since you're the guy who said that what is happening in Iraq is "nothing short of a miracle."

* We learned what to do if you mistakenly rape your girlfriend in our newest feature Last Week's Shots, the best of the Late Night Shots forums. It seems we've got them censoring themselves. And Kelly (Kerry) Ann Collins sucks and Barbara Bush gets fisted.

* Four dirtiest Dems in the House: Alan Mollohan of West Virginia, Pennsylvania windbag John Murtha, Florida's Alcee Hastings and Steny Hoyer of Maryland.

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