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  • Non-voting congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton stubbornly refutes Stephen Colbert's claim that DC is not in the United States. Even though his mind is made up, she continues trying to confuse him with facts.

  • We suspected there might have been some photoshop foul play, but it turned out Katherine Harris just wasn't in the front of the picture. First time for everything.

  • Montana Senator Conrad Burns boldly ignores post-9/11 decorum and balls out a team of firefighters. Burns's own performance review to be completed in November.

  • No surprises here, the worst campaign in America, is run by exactly who you think it is.

  • Ann Coulter (pot) calls Bill Clinton (kettle) gay (black).

  • Eliot Spitzer loves the wacky-backy as much as you do.

  • If any OMB fraud auditors mess with Elaine L. Chao, they'll end up with a government contracting officer's severed head beneath their sheets.

  • Dana Milbank sets the chattering class a chattering with a mystery quote from a republican candidate. But, as we all know nothing in DC stays a secret very long.
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Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

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Image by Mariordo, Wikimedia Commons

In what seems like a perfectly logical move where corporations are people, MGM International Resorts is suing all the victims of the Las Vegas massacre in federal court. But don't worry -- at least the company isn't seeking damages from them for its own corporate pain and suffering! Instead, the lawsuit is a maneuver to head off liability claims related to the mass shooting last October 1, as is only right and just. All they want is what's coming to them, like immunity from damages and some ill will from consumers, which will no doubt blow over eventually.

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