Wonkette's Weekly Top 10 Says Hello Sailors!

Weekly Top Ten

Well it was only like 78 degrees.

Hi hi, it's been another shitball of a week, after we had that brief shining moment of "feeling better" after the DNC! Now we're back to awful and crazy and shooty and QAnon. But what do we got babe? We got you. So saddle up or settle in or (metaphor), and let's read, together, the week's top 10 stories as chosen by patch of pumpkins.

10. It's Don Jr. Night At The RNC, And We Are (Not) Liveblogging It! And we did(n't)!

9. 'Donald Is Cruel': Maryanne Trump Barry Dishes On Everything We Already Know About Her Brother. You'd feel bad for her if she didn't (seemingly!) cheat her niece and nephew out of their share of Grandpa Klanny's will, and also the (seeming!) tax fraud.

8. Elizabeth Warren's Gonna Deal With The Post Office And Also All The Other Things. She's so like that! PROGRESS!

7. Person. Woman. Man. BABIES ON SPIKES! MY PILLOW!1!!11!!1!1!!!!! I don't even remember what this bullshit is about.

6. How Do You Have A Satanic Pedophile Cannibal Cabal With No Complaining Victims? Oh look at Robyn bringing logic to a cult fight.

5. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. JERRY! I believe this may have had something to do with Falwell's Peen.

4. Don't Go To Any 'Save Our Children' Marches — They Are Not What You'd Think. Yeah don't.

3. Trump Tells Ridiculous Lie About Godless Communists At The DNC Removing God From The Pledge. We might as well have left God out, they say we did anyway.

2. Drunk QAnon Lady Tried To Run Over Imaginary Pedophiles In Texas. Normal people are getting very ... this.

1. Hello Joe. Remember that brief shining moment last week when things seemed hopey? They will again! I promise! Maybe! ANYWAY, who knows what you like? It me.

Now that we have all read our top 10 stories as chosen by a patch of pumpkins, and after you donate to the cause (me), if you are able,

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Tallulah and Wonker hat

And now God rested.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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