Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Had Ten Stories This Week!
Good morning beloveds! I thought there might not be enough stories this week for a Top Ten, but when I looked they multiplied like loaves and fishes and shit! Here are the most popular things that you read this week, as determined by SCIENCE!
10. Sarah Palin Hurls Self Into Thanksgiving Turkey Grinder, For A Change. Didn't see THAT one coming!
8. Your New Boyfriend: This Terrible Novelist Who Couldn't Get Published Because Sexism Against Men. LOL, this guy fucking sucked.
7. Here Is Barry Obummer Making Fun Of Trump's 'Mommy Issues,' Have A Nice Day! And this guy did not!
6. President BabySh*ts Actually Tried To LOCK HER UP, Because He's A Garbage Human Being. Just very normal US president behavior, very fine.
5. Deleted Comments: In Which Wingnuts Do Sarcasm At Us. Didn't even read it. Robyn read it, because you all pay for Robyn to me on weekends. Thank you, I love you.
4. GOP Like 'F*ck Yeah, Dude, Let's Piss On The Guy Who Killed Bin Laden!' You're not still surprised every time they piss on The Troops, are you?
3. Until The Bare Lies Shine Through: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2018. This was beautiful.
2. How Sad Are You That You Are Not At The 2018 Flat Earth Conference Today? Man, the weekend gang really gets its gang on, doesn't it?
1. Georgie Papadopoulos Decides He Doesn't Want To Go To Jail On Monday, LOL 'K? And the judge who got to hear the Thanksgiving Wednesday at 4 p.m. motion was doubtless SO PLEASED.
BONUS! Don't Buy These Wonkette Bazaar Christmas Gifts Today, It Is Buy Nothing Day Dummies! That was yesterday, and now it is today!
Your Wonkette loves you, and thanks you for the week mostly off. Now have a daughter and a granddaughter, catching supervillains, as one does.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.