Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Is All Bundled Up
Good morning Wonkats and Wonkittens! Yr Editrix had something very important to do, so this week's Top Ten is being written by Yr Doktor Zoom, who's trying some of this Japanese whisky he bought on a whim of nostaglia for the two years he taught English in Nihon. It's not bad! Also this is being written Friday night, so stop giving me the stink-eye, you. Gonna finish this sucker up and watch the series finale of the reboot of Higurashi: When they Cry, then probably binge the whole thing all over again. Freaky time-loop horror anime!
But yes, your weekly Top Ten, as chosen by the ghost of my first cat, Bartleby, gone lo these 35 years, but returned for the purpose of counting down your top Wonkette stories of the past week, that you may read and enjoy and kibitz in the comments, which, as you may recall, we do not allow.
10: F*ck You, Mitch McConnell A message that's never out of date. In this case that would be a message re: impeachment.
9: Conservatives Obsessing Over God's Junk Because OMG SHUT UP YOU FREAKS Yes, really, because Eric Swalwell referred to "God Herself" and Republicans lost their shit. And yet they always seem to collect a lot more to lose again, at a moment's notice.
8: Twitter Tyrants Silence Habitual Liars Project Veritas And Gateway Pundit, So Sad I feel bad that I forgot to use the hed Evan suggested for this, "Dildo Lube Boat Hits Iceberg." But you can enjoy it now, so there's that.
7: God Gives Up Rush Limbaugh For Lent Remembering the garbage human who may have done more than anyone else to poison American politics in the last few decades.
6: 'Real World' Republicans Demand To Know Why Nancy Pelosi Didn't Stop Jan. 6 Riots What was Pelosi hiding? Why wasn't she nicer? Wouldn't a real leader have called off the people who wanted to murder her?
5: Texas Politicians Know The Cure For Winter Storms Is CULTURE WAR Their state was frozen and millions of people had no power, only it was the electric kind this time, instead of the usual disenfranchisement. So their leaders joked about banning beef and wimpy social justice people. Crisis? What Crisis?
4: Georgia GOP Lawmakers Trying To F*ck Around With Fulton County DA Fani Willis, Gonna Find Out Oh, they should know better than to try that nonsense.
3: Ted Cruz: Don't Blame Me, Blame My SWEET INNOCENT YOUNG DAUGHTERS! If you're fleeing your state on a plane, don't throw your kids under a bus.
2: QAnon Prophet: God's Gonna Force The Military To Depose Biden Well if God did that, that'd mean God doesn't have a lot of respect for the Constitution, I think.
1: Your Impeachment Saturday ... Something Or Other, NOBODY KNOWS! The final act of the tragicomedy, complete with clowns. What a bunch of clowns!
And now, as you have come to expect, photos of Donna Rose and Tallulah being all goofy and stuff, with extra-special Tallulah DANCE MOVES VIDEO.
Come see the dancing!
Also, we couldn't stop playing with NASA's Mars Rover Photo Booth toy.
That's it! Remember that Yr Wonkette is only able to do what we do, whatever that may turn out to be, because you fine people keep us going with your donations. If you can, please give $5 or $10 a month, and if you do, we will do a dance of joy! Except for Dok. You do NOT want to see him dance.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.