World's Laziest Half-Term Governor Says Obama Killed All Those Vets Because He Is So Lazy, Also Too The Media
Oh em gee, you guys, the ghost thinker for Sarah Palin's brain has informed her that she is SUPER empissened about the just discovered BREAKING news that America does not treat its veterans so good, actually.
No, we are not talking about that time some uber Patriot-Americans booed an openly gay Iraq War veteran. Nor are we talking about the time wingnut Townhall essayist Kurt Schlichter told veterans to get a haircut and real job and stop being "couch-dwellers" and homeless bums "playing the vet card." We are certainly not talking about the time Senate Republicans blocked legislation expanding benefits, including health care, for veterans. And obviously we are not even thinking about that one time that one president created an entire new generation of veterans by sending them off to fight a needless war based on a metric fuckton of lies and also because some has-been spider hole-hiding petty dictator once tried to kill his daddy.
No, Palin is getting all pissenated because, as we have recently learned, several Veterans Administration Hospitals are all kinds of clusterfucked, and as many as 40 veterans have died while waiting to receive health care. It is horrible, awful, terrible, shameful, and many other adjectives. Surprising, however, is not one of them, given that providing piss-poor care to our veterans is as American as apple pie and
invading liberating countries.
But now that there is a black Kenyan Muslin mom jeans-wearing usurper in the White House, it is A Outrage! that we are treating our vets this way for the first time ever if you don't count all the other times, and Palin knows exactly whom to blame and why, and you will NEVER guess who it is. Go on, guess.
“When you hold someone accountable, it takes energy and resource [sic], and Barack Obama is lazy,” Palin said. “In fact, he warned us that he was lazy and he attributed that to having been brought up on Hawaii — his words, not mine.” [...]
Palin then turned to complaining about the media: “He’s not called out as often as he should be because the media, as formerly the referee in this game of politics, isn’t doing its job in holding him accountable.”
First, credit where credit is due. We are impressed that Sarah Word-Salad Palin managed to speak real words in a more or less coherent order to form actual sentences. Maybe our children is learning!
Second, we are also impressed that when Palin called our African-American president lazy, she did not say also too that he is also a shiftless negro, which, we are fairly sure, is exactly what she meant. Wink wink also too. That shows some remarkable restraint! Clap clap, Sarah. Hats off to you.
We shall give her even more points for managing to berate the media for not reporting on what she thinks the Real Story is -- that Barack Obama is totes lazy and that is why veterans are dying -- without using her catchphrase "lamestream media." Perhaps her new very protective handlers have whispered into the wind tunnel on top of her neck to stop trying to make fetch happen.
We will even dole out a gold star for the hat trick of sounding not quite as stupid as Rep. Steve Stockman -- although who is the more stupid of the two is a toss-up on any given day. Stockman is also empissened that President Obama did not fix the Veterans Administration in 2008, when he was not actually president, but like that matters, IMPEACH!
Unfortunately for Palin, we will have to give her all the demerits for being A Idiot, A Racist, A Hypocrite, and A Palin. Because, see, we do not recall Palin giving a rat's ass about veterans, especially not when she is wanting to make more veterans by warring on all the countries she can see from her house. We would not expect Palin to know how veteran is formed, but hint: it is war. Also too furthermore, that Palin quit her job as governor because it was haaaaaaard and borrrrrrrrring sort of disqualifies her from ever calling anyone else lazy. Even when she coyly winks and pretends that maybe she will run for president of the United States of Alaska, which she never actually does and will never actually do because she is -- how do we put this? -- lazy. And it's so much easier to "hat tip the internet" at conservative circle-jerk conventions and star in her own failed reality TV shows than run for office, win, and govern. She knows this because she is tried it one time and quit because see above re haaaaaaard and borrrrrrrrring.
So in conclusion, thank you again, Palin, for giving us another reason to roll our eyes and thank the little lord Jeebus that you do not have any actual power whatsoever. Now run along and go give some horny conservatives some starbursts on your latest reality TV venture, "Amazeballs America" or whatever. If it hasn't been canceled yet.
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