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Worst Psychiatrist Ever Keith Ablow Blames Gun Control Agenda On Sad Orphan Obama

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So here is America's Worst Psychiatrist, Fox's Dr. Keith Ablow, explaining to Lou Dobbs his deep insight into Barack Obama's pathological obsession with taking guns away: the President still suffers from his feelings of abandonment from his childhood, so he seeks to have the government run everyone's lives as some sort of surrogate family, a parent, perhaps, or an older sibling, let's say, a kind of..."Big Brother" figure. As Ablow says, the real issue is everything but guns, and why don't people recognize this? Possibly because they are all psychologically deranged as well!


Using the same keen insight into the human psyche that has helped him recognize the threat posed by boys playing with dolls (or maybe the greatest threat is mothers who let their boys wear toenail polish), and to proclaim that Newt Gingrich's irresistible sexual magnetism would make him wildly popular with women voters, Ablow agreed with Dobbs that, despite living in The Freest Nation On Earth, Barack Obama just cannot seem to accept that Real Americans want to be autonomous and shoot bad people themselves with as many guns as they can. Why is this? It is because Barack Obama is a broken human being:

Ablow added that “the autonomy of others did [Obama] no favors as a kid, when he was abandoned again and again by people who were — quote, unquote — ‘responsible’ and supposed to do the right thing like parents. So his belief is: ‘You know what? What good is individual autonomy in decision making? What good did it do me? The collective is what needs to be empowered, and all the better if I am the center of that collective and the most powerful person in it.’”

“His solution runs psychologically in the direction of disempowering the individual every single time,” Ablow said, before concluding that “restoring the mental health system” and gun control laws are “diametrically opposed” because one empowers the individual through psychotherapy while the other “disempowers” them and limits their ability to defend themselves.

Ablow also explained that the real cause of all the shootings these days is untreated mental illness, because we have dismantled our mental health care system. He neglected to mention that much of the dismantling occurred under Ronald Reagan... Nor did he mention that the community-based mental health services that were supposed to accompany deinstitutionalization of the mentally ill was never funded (because Small Government)...nor a recent statement by a representative from the American Psychiatric Association that "96% of violent crimes are perpetrated by people who do not have mental disorders." Ablow also apparently wants to "restore" our mental health care system without actually getting the government involved, because he has predicted that any government involvement in the provision of healthcare "infantilizes" people and will inevitably lead to riots. So maybe a robust system of private mental care will save us, and crazy poor people will just see good sense and work harder so they can afford treatment before they shoot up a school or something...

We are going to just suddenly end this post right now, because it occurs to us that we have actually thought more about the stupid things Keith Ablow said than he did while preparing to say them. Instead, here is Chuck Jones' dramatic reenactment of the youth of Keith Ablow.

Little Keith Ablow: I'm going to be a ps-sychiatrist when I grow up. Or maybe a ps-sycho-annimalist.

Younger brother: I'm going to be a roadrunner. Beep beep ZIP bang!

[Mediaite]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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