Worst Psychiatrist Ever Wants Drug Warnings On Facebook Because 'Slender Man' Makes Kids Stabby


We had been staying away from theawful story about the two 12-year-old Wisconsin girls who stabbed a schoolmate of the same age, supposedly under the influence of online horror stories about a fictional character named Slender Man (or Slenderman -- both are used), because yecch. The good news is that the victim survived and has been released from the hospital; her attackers have been charged as adults, with attempted murder. But now we have to mention it, because Dr. Keith Ablow, the world's worst psychiatrist, has weighed in on the case, and he wants to know just why the Surgeon General isn't requiring warnings on Facebook and maybe the YouTubes, because scary ghost stories are clearly causing children to take knives and attack other children.

In a completely unrelated story, "Dr." Ablow also explained, based on no information at all, that the school shooting in Oregon this morning was the result of untreated mental illness, and had nothing to do with the easy availability of guns.

On Fox & Friends, Ablow warned of the mysterious mind-controlling powers that the interwebs has over people, and called for quick action to protect innocent children from memes:

“The internet is a form of communication that human beings, we are learning, are not immune to, in terms of being able to resist themes that flow to them through this drug portal,” Ablow said. “Facebook depersonalizes people. It decreases their empathy. This has been shown by data. And when you tell a story via this direct line to your emotional self, it can infect you in a special way.”

“The Surgeon General has been a no-show on Facebook, which should carry a warning label, [and] on Slender Man, which should carry a warning label,” Ablow said. “Where is the Surgeon General?”

Got it. Scary stories on Facebook, we need the Surgeon General to put a warning on Facebook, because the internet is a drug. Ablow, apparently unaware that the victim in the stabbing survived, also suggested that the makers of Slenderman content be sued for damages: “If I were a parent and my daughter were dead, I would sue them.”

Meanwhile, on Fox's Outnumbered today, Ablow confidently explained, on the basis of no details that have yet been revealed, that the shooting in Troutdale, Oregon was unrelated to America's proliferation of guns:

I think Americans may finally be getting the idea that the first thing they should think about is mental health gone awry in this system we have that’s so fractured that lets people slip through the cracks. But the anti-gun nuts, they will be out in force, saying it’s all the guns ... I predict that we’ll find again that yet another person who used a gun was compromised by one or more psychological or psychiatric illnesses that could have been detected.

Those irrational anti-gun nuts. Why don't they go get treatment? Ablow also explained that the real problem with psychiatric disorders is that the free market insurance system is broken, which he surely can't possibly mean:

And I see and get these calls from ERs where they say, ‘We want to send this person home, he threatened his mother and his family last night. But now he’s promising he’s fine. And we’ve got to get him out of here because the insurance company is on our back.’ That’s our system. That’s why this is happening.

That almost sounded like Keith Ablow is saying we don't have the best health care system in the world. Has someone checked to see if he's feeling all right?

[LAT / Mediaite / RawStory]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. The Surgeon General has determined that reading Wonkette may be associated with an increased chance of making dick jokes.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019

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Kevin Downing, you got some 'splainin' to do! Superfans will remember Kevin Downing as Paul Manafort's lawyer who hilariously botched the redactions because PDFs are haaaard, revealing to the world that his client had handed over internal Trump polling data to his Russian buddy six weeks before the election. Less hilariously, he also botched the legal ethics by continuing to spill deets on the Mueller investigation to Trump after his own client Manafort had theoretically "flipped." But it turns out that Downing almost got himself pounded by Judge Amy Berman Jackson's contempt gavel for violating the court's gag order and talking to ...

Per our conversation this morning, my attorney -- Kevin Downing -- will call you at 11:30am tomorrow. He will update you on what we are doing and how it connects to your reporting. What number should I give him to call you?

HANNITY: Awesome.

Client Number Three himself, the most respected journalist of them all, Sean Hannity! Someone should give that guy a Pulitzer.

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