This is you right now.

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is Wonkette in it? Send a canary down there and check. Can you find Wonkette in your deep cavernous box?

If it's not there, you have the power to change that! Look here, a form:

"Well shoe horns and suck a penis, Wonkette, but how do I even use that form, and what will happen to me if I do? Does it involve my box?" These are your thoughts right now. And the answer is that it's the Wonkette newsletter, which contains adorable baby pictures of the adorable Wonkette baby, and extra jokes and promotions and special fun sexxxytime lovenotes, and also it helps you keep up with the biggest stories you might have missed because you were washing your clam that day, which for the purposes of this post, is different from a box. Wonkette is not offering to be in your clam every morning.

We promise to God and Jesus that we WILL NOT share your box information with anyone third-party. We are a #Ally, and we firmly (heh heh, "firmly") believe you and only you should decide what is in your box at any given time. We also promise that we will not spam you with any classified casserole recipes, the way Hillz Clinton does to Chelsea probably. Those recipes are a secret for a reason!

Anyway, fucking sign up. We only send one email a day, on most of the days of the week, and if you're not on The List then you're not our BFF anymore and you're never going to get asked to prom, the end.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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