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Looks like time to hit the liquor store


Hi! It's me, Editrix. I hear you guys have been wilding in the comments, and generally sniping at each other like it is Twitter instead of the world's gentlest momblog, and that you maybe need a good nap and a stuffed bunny.

I don't have a nap for you, and our stuffed bunny's taken, but I figure here is a cocktail and I stole it from here. If you're a Friend of Bill, smoke some weed instead!

Noble Hostess calls this "The Griffith" for some uppity place in Los Angeles, but we call it a Golden Poppy because it feels like home. The recipe is SO EASY, but first you got some liquor to buy.

Look at Grand Poppy's ingredients, are you KIDDING ME, WHAT!

Organic California poppy, orange, lemon, grapefruit, bearberry, California bay leaf, pink peppercorn, dandelion, blessed thistle, burdock, rue, artichoke, gentian, geranium, cherry bark, cane sugar

GET IN MAH BLOODSTREAM!

Now take one part EACH:

Grand Poppy liqueur

vodka

lemon juice

simple syrup

and smash up three slices of cucumber*

*Fuck it, just use cucumber vodka instead.

Shake them with ice, and don't drink anything else all summer or ever again.

Because you guys, we are all so tired. We're all exhausted. It feels like they're winning, and we're losing hope, and we're taking it out on each other and ourselves. And we can't. We have to go out in the sunshine, and breathe, and drink a lovely beverage and pat a cat or a dog or a child or a husband on the head. Have some sex if you can stand it. Watch some (non-politics) TV if you can't. Get a massage. Take a walk. Be in touch with your body and look at the moon.

Because we're not going to make it if we're turning on each other -- and that goes quinfuckingtuple for Bernie v. Hillz. Nice things have happened yesterday and today! The courts are with us! Primaries turnt out as fuck! Michael Cohen WILL go to jail, and our hearts WILL go on!

In the meantime, be gentle, Terrible Ones. Because 50 people canceled their Wonkette accounts in May, and since I don't want to worry that they lost their jobs or we just suck now, Ima have to blame you.

Stay gold

Drink up, cheers, we love you, NOW BREATHE and have your OPEN THREAD!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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An unhinged wannabe fascist who tweets about golden showers did a news conference in the Rose Garden this afternoon. Also, Donald Trump was there.

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is in town, and everything about today's public appearance with Trump and Bolsonaro has been real stupid, just like how it was real stupid when Bolsonaro's stupid son was the stupid guest of honor the other night at a stupid Steve Bannon event at the stupid Trump trash palace hotel in DC.

During their pool spray, Trump excitedly told reporters that he was making plans to give NATO privileges to Brazil, because of how Brazil elected a big gross dipshit just like America did. Of course, considering how Trump treats actual NATO countries, Bolsonaro might want to reconsider whether he wants that.

Then a reporter asked him about his blubbering whiny-ass attacks on John McCain, who is still dead.

That's right, Donald Trump didn't even avoid the question about his very embarrassing behavior. He spoke about McCain as if McCain were still alive, whined about McCain killing Obamacare repeal, and concluded by saying, "I was never a fan of John McCain, and I never will be." As for McCain, he will continue living rent-free in the president's nightmares and his face will be the face of Trump's insecurities, because we guess that's what happens to John McCains when they die.

But enough about the pool spray! After they met in the Oval Office and did whatever fascists who should be prohibited entry to the White House via an electric doggie fence do (sniffed each other's butts, probably), they entered the Rose Garden and proceeded to hike their legs on democracy some more.

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Yep, we're breaking out the Wikimedia kitten image for this one.

CNN is out today with a story on members of the anti-vaccination/pro-disease movement who have found a delightful new way to win converts to their side in the war on science: find parents (mothers, generally) who have recently lost a child to a preventable disease, and then harass them on social media, because after all, good people refuse vaccines and anyone who advocates for vaccines must be burned to the ground. As your lawyer (we are not a lawyer), we advise you to secure any hurlable heavy objects near you before reading.

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