Yep, We Elected A God-Dang BABY To Be Leader Of Free World

Trump's presidential portrait, #AlternativeFact

Politico has one of those fun behind-the-scenes lookie-loo type stories, where they talk to people, named and unnamed, who are close to the new Trump regime, to find out what it's REALLY like to work with the president, and SURPRISE SHOCKING NEWS WE NEVER KNEW BEFORE, Donald Trump is a giant baby who needs adult supervision at all times, but the people closest to him are too busy talking to their boyfriends on the phone and watching MTV to babysit him appropriately.

Let's break down what we learn from this Politico story:

Trump Is A Goddamn Toddler Who Needs To Be Told How To Act Right:

One person who frequently talks to Trump said aides have to push back privately against his worst impulses in the White House, like the news conference idea, and have to control information that may infuriate him. He gets bored and likes to watch TV, this person said, so it is important to minimize that.

This person said that a number of people close to him don't like saying no — but that it has to be done.

You can't do it in front of everyone," this person said. "He's never going to admit he's wrong in front of everyone. You have to pull him aside and tell him why he's wrong, and then you can get him to go along with you. These people don't know how to get him to do what they need him to do."

The tyrant sits in his high chair, covered in Spaghetti-O's as he watches "Morning Joe," and Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon have to strap him in real good so he doesn't jump out to get his tweetin' phone and start an international crisis. Usually, his pacifier is a helpful distraction, or sometimes Jared Kushner has to hoist Pappy-In-Law over his shoulder and give him a good long burpin', but other times these things don't work and the baby still misbehaves.

Trump's pal Christopher Ruddy, CEO of Newsmax, tells Politico that the people around Trump need to grow a pair, because "If he doesn't have people who can tell him no, this is not going to go very well." His friend! Said that! Not some lamestream hater on CNN!

Some Of Trump's Own People Think Sean Spicer's Saturday Press Briefing Was OMG WTF LOL:

Several people who are close to Trump were aghast by the briefing. "It's surreal. We finally have the White House, and it's this," one GOP strategist close to Trump's top aides said.

That's right, that first quote where it said "worst impulses ... like the news conference" was not Politico editorializing. That's Trump's own people. It is adorable and charming that they are surprised by his behavior.

The Trump Regime Will Lie A Lot To You, And They Fucking Admit This:

[H]is team will be very combative, even when the facts are not on their side, trusting that their political base dislikes the news media and will believe them no matter what. Sometimes, they are likely to muddy the water or throw a hand grenade into a political debate just to change the headlines.

"What you're seeing with the press secretary is what the administration is going to do, they are going to challenge the press," said Rep. Tom Reed, a New York Republican on Trump's executive committee. "A lot of people in the Beltway forget that the news media doesn't have much credibility. This is the way he ran his campaign, and it worked."

Note to Congressman Reed: This is ALSO how authoritarian regimes deal with the press. In Russia, that's the way Trump's BFF Vladimir Putin does it! America! Fuck yeah!

It's good to see that they're dumb enough to admit they're lying, though.

Mark Sanford Likes Trump Real Good, But It's Not Like He's Hiking The Appalachian Trail About It:

Rep. Mark Sanford, a South Carolina Republican, said Trump had assembled a strong Cabinet, filled with conservatives. But whether his aides can contain Trump — and whether he can control his worst impulses to get things done — remains unclear.

"It's unconventional at best and disastrous at worst," Sanford said of Trump's tactics. "These distractions have the capacity to sink his entire administration, and they're not representative of the quite serious people he's assembled."

LOL he called Betsy DeVos and Rick Perry "quite serious people." ALTERNATIVE FACTS! GET SOME!

Anyway, this is all very heartening and what time is it acceptable to start drinking in the morning during the Trump years?


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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