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Laura Ingraham is ABSOLUTE FILTH. The entire Fox News channel is a metastatic cancer on America's civil discourse, but Ingraham is a particularly foul and painful tumor. This woman has made an entire career out of trying to hurt people, be they brutalized refugees or survivors of mass shootings. Thirty years ago, as a college student, Ingraham secretly recorded a support group of closeted gay students and then published the transcript. And yesterday she called in a troll storm on a 29-year-old freelance writer for having the audacity to be a young woman existing while writing about the rising danger of alt-right ethno-nationalism.

Only hours after professional dickhead John Podhoretz called for New York University to be "neutron bombed" for hiring Media Matters researcher Talia Lavin and journalist Lauren Duca to each teach an elective course, Lavin was once again attacked by a hideous ghoul with a huge platform and a fundamental disregard for the safety of other human beings. (And, hey, excellent timing, Jezebel. Slow fuckin' clap.)


Laura Ingraham's net worth is estimated at $45 million. In addition to her salary at Fox, she earns between $20,000 and $40,000 to show up and spew hateful gibberish to people eating rubber chicken breasts, not to mention whatever she pulls in from shitting on immigrants, kids, and the poor in print. This horrible person is, by any definition, safe -- physically, economically, professionally. And she has just pinned a target on the back of a young person who is none of those things. It is the very definition of "punching down," and any person who would associate herself with Fox is morally reprehensible.

Yes, we mean you, Donna Brazile.

But wait, it gets better! Ingraham's stated goal was the sacred protection of free speech. She's not a well-compensated woman trying to kick the shit out of a millennial trying to keep a roof over her head in the winner-take-all gig economy. Perish the thought! Ingraham is here defending the right of the poor, beleaguered conservative, so cruelly silenced by people pointing out bigotry and the dangers of white supremacy.

They want to circumscribe speech. They want to take players off the field altogether. So, she's just a head gal. She's another, you know -- Media Matters, they don't want to argue, they don't want to win the debate. They want to search and destroy. That's what they do. That's why Fox viewers are so loyal to this network. Because we refuse to bow, we refuse to cave in to these kind of terroristic tactics. And that's what they are. They're little journo-terrorists.

That's right, the woman who secretly recorded a support group and outed the participants is calling Media Matters "journo-terrorists" for reporting things that Tucker Carlson said in a public forum. How very dare they publish recordings of him calling into a shock jock program and talking about raping teenage girls? Real journalists would come on his show and debate the propriety of sex jokes about his daughter's roommates!

How the presence of Duca and Lavin on NYU's campus stifles free speech is unclear. But the presence of Dinesh D'Souza on Ingraham's show is really the à la mode on this exquisite shit pie. Taking a break from his full-time job getting owned by real historians on Twitter, D'Souza wonders how someone can be "kicked out of journalism, but she's hired to teach journalism." D'Souza, who never met a crackpot conspiracy theory he didn't like, including accusing Democrats of mailing themselves fake bombs in the Cesar Sayoc assassination plot, is actually criticizing someone for correcting her own mistake. The guy was kicked out of living as a free man when he was convicted of campaign finance fraud, kicked out of being president of a Christian college for adultery, and even kicked out of a CPAC panel for making fun of the Parkland shooting survivors. But please, guys, tell us more about mean liberals hurting your wee feefees!

We're still puzzling through the definition of "journo-terrorists." (Maybe it will make sense if we take out our contacts and inhale an entire can of Aquanet ExtraFirm, eh Laura?) But we're pretty clear on stochastic terrorism. Because not all terrorists plant bombs their very own selves. Some of them just go on television and demagogue about sharia law and wait for some lunatic to go shoot up a mosque. Some of them publish pictures of a sitting congresswoman with crosshairs over her face and wait for a deranged gunman to take a shot at her. Some of them joke about Second Amendment remedies while they're lying about an opponent coming to take America's guns. And some of them go on television and paint a giant red target on the backs of young women who don't have layers of wealth and privilege to protect them when they get on the subway and try to earn a living.

And those people are stochastic terrorists, who use demagoguery in a deliberate effort to inspire terrorist attacks against their enemies. In addition to being terrible, morally reprehensible human beings. And we know you don't watch this disgusting poison, but you do buy stuff. So here's a list of things NOT TO BUY. Let's give Laura Ingraham a lesson in the First Amendment. Because she's entitled to say whatever horrible shit she wants -- it's a free country. But we are entitled to make it as expensive as possible for advertisers who promote that horrible shit. Because you can monetize that hate, or you can have us as customers, but you can't have BOTH.

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Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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