Laura Ingraham is ABSOLUTE FILTH. The entire Fox News channel is a metastatic cancer on America's civil discourse, but Ingraham is a particularly foul and painful tumor. This woman has made an entire career out of trying to hurt people, be they brutalized refugees or survivors of mass shootings. Thirty years ago, as a college student, Ingraham secretly recorded a support group of closeted gay students and then published the transcript. And yesterday she called in a troll storm on a 29-year-old freelance writer for having the audacity to be a young woman existing while writing about the rising danger of alt-right ethno-nationalism.

Only hours after professional dickhead John Podhoretz called for New York University to be "neutron bombed" for hiring Media Matters researcher Talia Lavin and journalist Lauren Duca to each teach an elective course, Lavin was once again attacked by a hideous ghoul with a huge platform and a fundamental disregard for the safety of other human beings. (And, hey, excellent timing, Jezebel. Slow fuckin' clap.)

Laura Ingraham's net worth is estimated at $45 million. In addition to her salary at Fox, she earns between $20,000 and $40,000 to show up and spew hateful gibberish to people eating rubber chicken breasts, not to mention whatever she pulls in from shitting on immigrants, kids, and the poor in print. This horrible person is, by any definition, safe -- physically, economically, professionally. And she has just pinned a target on the back of a young person who is none of those things. It is the very definition of "punching down," and any person who would associate herself with Fox is morally reprehensible.

Yes, we mean you, Donna Brazile.

But wait, it gets better! Ingraham's stated goal was the sacred protection of free speech. She's not a well-compensated woman trying to kick the shit out of a millennial trying to keep a roof over her head in the winner-take-all gig economy. Perish the thought! Ingraham is here defending the right of the poor, beleaguered conservative, so cruelly silenced by people pointing out bigotry and the dangers of white supremacy.

They want to circumscribe speech. They want to take players off the field altogether. So, she's just a head gal. She's another, you know -- Media Matters, they don't want to argue, they don't want to win the debate. They want to search and destroy. That's what they do. That's why Fox viewers are so loyal to this network. Because we refuse to bow, we refuse to cave in to these kind of terroristic tactics. And that's what they are. They're little journo-terrorists.

That's right, the woman who secretly recorded a support group and outed the participants is calling Media Matters "journo-terrorists" for reporting things that Tucker Carlson said in a public forum. How very dare they publish recordings of him calling into a shock jock program and talking about raping teenage girls? Real journalists would come on his show and debate the propriety of sex jokes about his daughter's roommates!

How the presence of Duca and Lavin on NYU's campus stifles free speech is unclear. But the presence of Dinesh D'Souza on Ingraham's show is really the à la mode on this exquisite shit pie. Taking a break from his full-time job getting owned by real historians on Twitter, D'Souza wonders how someone can be "kicked out of journalism, but she's hired to teach journalism." D'Souza, who never met a crackpot conspiracy theory he didn't like, including accusing Democrats of mailing themselves fake bombs in the Cesar Sayoc assassination plot, is actually criticizing someone for correcting her own mistake. The guy was kicked out of living as a free man when he was convicted of campaign finance fraud, kicked out of being president of a Christian college for adultery, and even kicked out of a CPAC panel for making fun of the Parkland shooting survivors. But please, guys, tell us more about mean liberals hurting your wee feefees!

We're still puzzling through the definition of "journo-terrorists." (Maybe it will make sense if we take out our contacts and inhale an entire can of Aquanet ExtraFirm, eh Laura?) But we're pretty clear on stochastic terrorism. Because not all terrorists plant bombs their very own selves. Some of them just go on television and demagogue about sharia law and wait for some lunatic to go shoot up a mosque. Some of them publish pictures of a sitting congresswoman with crosshairs over her face and wait for a deranged gunman to take a shot at her. Some of them joke about Second Amendment remedies while they're lying about an opponent coming to take America's guns. And some of them go on television and paint a giant red target on the backs of young women who don't have layers of wealth and privilege to protect them when they get on the subway and try to earn a living.

And those people are stochastic terrorists, who use demagoguery in a deliberate effort to inspire terrorist attacks against their enemies. In addition to being terrible, morally reprehensible human beings. And we know you don't watch this disgusting poison, but you do buy stuff. So here's a list of things NOT TO BUY. Let's give Laura Ingraham a lesson in the First Amendment. Because she's entitled to say whatever horrible shit she wants -- it's a free country. But we are entitled to make it as expensive as possible for advertisers who promote that horrible shit. Because you can monetize that hate, or you can have us as customers, but you can't have BOTH.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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