You Are The Opitomy Of A Dumb Ass: 2014's Greatest (Stupidest) Deleted Comments

In reviewing the year's achievements in deleted comments, we have to say we were somewhat astonished by just how many of the damned things there were. We went back and read a year's worth of Dear ShitFerBrains columns at a single go, and we survived! We quickly gave up on the idea of crowning a single Best Worst Deleted Comment, because really, they are all insufferable in their own special way. But oh, there were some highlights.

Consider the embarrassment of riches in the May 15 edition, in which "Fedupw_libs," who truly was fed up w libs, explained some basic FACTS about Free Speach, and threw our own words back at us in a comment about a basic cable network that decided not to give a platform to the Aryan Bigot Twins:

“Because they are a totally private business and not the fucking US government, they then made a business decision” So following this thought process and the whole “gays watch HGTV”, a person running a bakery can refuse service to a gay couple because they’re service demographic is straight evangelical couples? Free speach is free speach dumb ass. Your intolerance of someone’s right to speak what they believe (they never refused someone based on their sexual orientation) is amazing. It’s only acceptable free speach when it fits your narrative. You are the opitomy of a dumb ass.

It takes a stupid liberal to recognize that refusing to provide services -- you know, sort of like they did at Montgomery lunch counters -- is actually a form of speach.

That same column also contained another memorable rant from a forgettable ranter, "mipelion," in which we learned that TV is full of filth that isn't fit for families and if you don't want to watch the Bigot Twins' show (which never existed), then you should just change the channel instead of making HGTV cater to fags, and besides:

if its normal to be gay and everyone is gay then there would be nobody. No life. Since a dick in the ass does not allow you to make a life Get over it. This is TV. Idiots.

And finally, from the same commenter, this all-caps admonition which we fell in love with:

Really. Are you serious. Better check the TV again. Shows that have killings. Cartoon with racial remarks. If you don’t like the show TURN THE FUCKING CHANNEL ASS WIPE. THERE IS SO MUCH HATRED AND KILLING ON WHY DONT YOU JUST THROW AWAY YOUR TV AND RADIO AND YOUR COMPUTER AND GO JOIN THE AMISH.

Some other memorable insights from the Deleted Comments of 2014 (honestly, they may be better without context):

June 7:

  • "Why is it that gun control extremest always are concerned about the penis size and call anyone that disagrees a racist."
  • "Just because people own firearms doesn’t automatically stupid."

June 11: Teaching firearms safety to kids is "Something most liberal ass goons think it is beyond belief. Maybe because most of them live in DC because everything is pure convenience."

September 1:

  • "I’ll sit back in my adopted state of Texas laughing my a$$ off at you while we continue to create 49 out of every 50 jobs in the nation. Oh, and that’s REAL math (although I doubt any of you haters know how to do that)"
  • I can see why those who have commented so far would like to give up Texas without a fight, can’t stand the thought of hard working people being self sufficient and creating the energy you all crave to power up your blowhard verbal diarrhea machines. You can all rest easy in the knowledge that if we are invaded by terrorist in Texas they won’t make it to you simply ass, fuck nuts who think the US government will protect you and your poodles. Texas should be its own country and not associated sigh a bunch of spineless pussies.

September 16:

  • "Can you rewrite the headline in English please? Also, please don’t use nerd-words like “wonkette”.

We'd like to reserve a special place in hell for "DakirSmith," who in August sent an epically long rant about all the ways in which he just can't stand black people and all their laziness and crime, although he was very careful to preface his remarks by saying "I could care less about race. It never crosses my mind." Apart from the several hundred words he managed to produce about people having five Obamaphones and raising herds of illegitimate babies for all the sweet welfare cash.

And finally, we are still rather touched by a rebuttal to a story we did in March about an Arizona legislator who wants the state to help prepare for the inevitable day when Our Enemies -- whether a foreign power, or more likely, Barack Obama -- set off a nuclear bomb high in the atmosphere, thereby frying all our technology with an Electromagnetic Pulse. Our blithe unwillingness to Be Prepared didn't sit well with "ladyracer19," who wanted us to know that we should take her seriously because she'd written a research paper:

Okay you all. Some of the information posted is correct, but most is bs. How do I know I did a term paper on EMP. I wanted to stand out. Believe me this admin could do this without a problem. Since I wrote that paper things have improved a lot and it would be a lot easier now. If there is something to stop EMP they aren’t putting it out. Don’t discount this, this could happen and of course it more than likely won’t be our government but can we really trust this government of today?

Honestly, why should we trust our government of today not to try to kill us all with a nuclear burst in the stratosphere? It's a wonder we even survived 2014 at all being so naïve.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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