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You Guys, We Are Starting To Worry About Fox & Friends' Brian Kilmeade

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First Tucker Carlson was all like "Hey join my Order of Christian White Knights" and Kilmeade was all like "nah mang, I'm cool" and now he is saying that the greatest scandal in the history of the LIEberal media is "not a big deal"? We are getting a terrible feeling that something is terribly, devastatingly wrong!

What could be the deal with Brian Kilmeade -- the squinty-eyed fratty one, who always seems to give off the scent of date rape? Here are some ideas!

  • He is boning a hippie chick like in one of those romantic dramas where she ends up dying of like non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, and she is making him see that life is for living! (Also, he will end up best friends with a wisecracking pre-teen of color.)
  • Chinese fortune cookie curse makes him tell the truth.
  • There is some shit he will not eat. Haha just kidding, of course there isn't.
  • Fox is testing how its audience would respond if they decided to actually grow into a real live news outlet.
  • Ghost of Christmas Future.
  • Wants some Shep Smith-style Maddow love.
  • Body-snatched.

[MediaMatters]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Dumb Song Of J. Dinesh Prufrock

A quick Dear Shitferbrains for you smart kids today, in response to our recent piece on Dinesh D'Souza's continued insistence that historian Kevin M. Kruse please bitchslap him with facts again and again. It turns out we picked the wrong historian to lionize, according to "Hadding Scott," who dropped by to let us know we had foolishly referred to a mere Princeton professor instead of to the most comprehensive take-down-er of D'Souza's lies, "Hadding Scott" himself.

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Among the primary results from Tuesday that we didn't report: Chris Murphy, US Senator from Connecticut, managed to hold on to the Democratic nomination for a second term. Actually, if you want to get all technical about it, he didn't win the nom Tuesday -- he'd already been nominated at the state party convention in May, and the Dem primary was cancelled since Murphy was the only one to file. Murphy's also heavily favored to win reelection this fall. The biggest question for Murphy is whether he's hoping to seek some other office in a couple years. (As if any prominent Democratic senator hasn't already mentally compared their inaugural crowd size to Trump's.)

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