Your Annotated Guide To Tony Perkins Wanting To Sacrifice Gay Boy Scouts


Yes, in case you didn't know, Your Wonkette is indeed subscribed to receive emails from the Family Research Council — how else would we figure out the appropriate talking points to justify our medieval notions of a chaste society where God rules all and sluts are flogged?

Usually, it is just some nonsense about how Obama's universal preschool proposal is bad because the real problem with kids is single mothers. Yesterday, though, we got a really good one! It is about letting gays into the Boy Scouts, because apparently people are still really into that issue, and it is so impressive because there are just so very many euphemisms for "fuck those kids, they're weird." We would like to take a stroll with you, through this email, to appreciate its wondrous, dissembling platitudes!

Subject: The Scouts need your help

The straight ones. To fight off the gay ones.

Sign the petition to encourage Boy Scout leaders to stand strong with honor against bullying by corporate elites and activists.

The argument is to exclude an entire group of people from an activity based exclusively on their sexual orientation, which has been specifically outlawed in 21 states and the District of Columbia because of how outrageously shitty that is, on a human level. But yes, the discriminators are the ones being bullied here.

February 21, 2013

Dear Rich,

Character. Courage.

Throughout the history of the Boy Scouts of America, character and courage have been two traits that could be counted on by the venerable organization. Pressed from any side, the Boy Scouts have kept their moral compass aligned as well as they have their magnetic ones.

Except for that time they helped cover up allegations that scoutmasters were molesting young boys. For 70 years. But yeah, we always look to them to do the right thing.

Recently, however, some within the organization have indicated that they are willing to abandon these values to advance a political agenda.

Oh no! They have been doing such a good job with their values! (Here is a link to a map of around 5,000 cases of molestation contained in secret Boy Scout files.)

Protected by a U.S. Supreme Court ruling in 2000, the Scouts completed an in-depth study and reiterated last year the wisdom of keeping their longstanding policy on homosexual Scout leaders and members.

That ruling was BSA v. Dale, which said, rather logically, that a group did not have to admit a member if admitting him "affects in a significant way the group’s ability to advocate public or private viewpoints." So you don't have to let somebody into your club if the person would be undermining the purpose of your club. That's fine, except that means one of the fundamental messages of the Boy Scouts would have to be, "Don't hang out with those homos," which seems like it would TOTALLY be an ok stance to have beef with, right? Too bad only "corporate elites and activists" like gay people. Everybody else thinks they're icky.

The study found that scouting parents overwhelmingly want the organization to respect their right to discuss these sexual topics with their children - and not bring this contentious issue into Scouting.

In case you were not paying attention: "This contentious issue" refers to HUMAN BEINGS. A 15-year-old who wants to go camping with his friends is a "contentious issue." Make little Johnny take his gayness on a separate canoe trip, because other parents don't want to have to explain to their kids why Gay Johnny is allowed out of the house.

Even with this strong footing, some among the BSA board of directors -- pressured by corporate elites and homosexual activists - are seeking to turn the organization into a laboratory for social experimentation.

Whaaat?!?! You want gay people... to hang out with straight people? What are you, some kind of crazy person? Let them make their own gay Boy Scouts! It would probably be just as good. Separate, sure, but equal.

The board's move to reverse tradition and abandon the policy on homosexuality within Scouting was stalled due to a public outcry from hundreds of thousands of Americans like you.

(Minor correction: The "move to reverse tradition" was not stalled by public outcry, so much as started by it, on account of it seems pretty weird to still be scared of gay people in 2013.)

Many parents asked the board, "Why should we change what has been taught to these boys for the last 103 years?"

THE GAY CORPORATE ELITE HIPPIES WANT TO ADD A REACHAROUND MERIT BADGE!!! Nothing should change from what that guy made up before 1920! Nobody should have ever made those Boy Scout councils integrate blacks in the '70s!

Unwilling to make a principled stand, the BSA board decided in February to put the decision to a vote of approximately 1400 National Council members in late May.

This is where you can help. Please join us in signing our petition, which we will deliver to each of the roughly 290 Scout Councils across the nation.

"Dear Boy Scouts: You are legally entitled to kick gay people out of your club, and here is a list of people who think you should, because, though they are not involved in scouting, they would feel better knowing that there was still something homosexuals could be left out of."

These Councils represent the heart of Scouting, and are people who will be most impacted by an abandonment of the BSA policy on homosexuality. These faithful workers need to know that the communities of America will stand with them.

First person who can explain how anyone is impacted by letting gays into the Boy Scouts gets a brand new car. Also keep in mind that your answer must include an impact that is greater than letting child molesters lead scout troops, because that impact was totally ok with them.

Your voice can help the Scouts continue to show character and courage in the face of adversity. Will you stand with them?

"People would like to eliminate discrimination" is adversity. It really is. Do you know how hard it is to hate people for no reason and still look legitimate?

Sign the petition to encourage Boy Scout leaders to stand strong with honor against bullying by corporate elites and activists.


Tony Perkins


Don't let our Boy Scouts, our precious, straight, Christian camper-folk, see gay people being respected. That might make them seem like humans, which makes it way harder to maintain their second-class status as deviants and freaks. Please, everyone, sign the petition today.

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you are into hanging out in the woods sometime, Rich Abdill is on Twitter too.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc