Betty Ford's Boozy Chocolate Cake
That is one ugly tux, in the way only '70s formalwear could do ugly.
Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though she left us to write Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair and now writes for Last Week Tonight with that English fella.
Here is one for the "chocoholics," starring Betty Ford! It's a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor.
Grab the following:
1 angel food cake
12 oz. chocolate chips
4 tb. of sugar
6 tb. of water
2 ts. vanilla
1 ts. salt
2 c. whipping cream
12 steps to dessert fun:
Get a cake pan, it should measure 9 x 9, so it should look like a square. Line it with "wax paper," which people... buy.. at.. hardware stores (?). Cut up the angel food cake, use a spoon or plastic spatula or some dull edge—NO ONE LIKES A PROBLEM—and place it in the pan. Separate the eggs and beat the yolks until they have reached a Bellini-like coloring and consistency.
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler over water. Ask someone what a double boiler is. Have that person boil the chocolate. Squeeze that person's waist inappropriately, wink, and walk out of the room to lie down. Using your hands to make sure the floor is still there, come back to the kitchen and add sugar and water and mix, and then add in egg yolks too. Beat it awhile more, just beat it until you feel like you're losing control, and then sit for awhile and come back and beat it some more and then let it cool. "Just be cool," you'll say aloud, "to the dessert."
Add vanilla and salt, get the person who found the boiler and ask them why this is the single most complicated recipe on Earth. You're not even HUNGRY. You just ate yesterday. Mix again, beat the egg whites and fold them into the chocolate and then add the whip cream, which you also should have beaten, because you have to do everything. Everything's on your shoulders, all the time, just like this constant weight. Spread the frosting around the cake part and put it in the refrigerator overnight. Sleep slumped up against the refrigerator, so you'll be able to tell if anything goes wrong.