The United States of America has been blessed with great rhetoricians, select individuals who appear on the national stage in times of peril, stand up, give voice to what is right, and lead the nation forward. A few years ago, many of us thought Barack Obama, a skilled orator in his own right, would prove to be such an individual. But his presidency has been rather disappointing. Instead, America turns its tired eyes to Tim “Wild Thang” Lepard and his band of capuchins riding border collies. Considering the state of the Republican field, he could easily wrap up the nomination. And then the presidency.

By the looks of that red-white-and-blue pickup truck those rams jump on top of, “Wild Thang” could very well be a Republican. But even if he's runs as an independent, he will win. We are all the unknown soldiers out there, and we all just want to experience the American dream, which is to own a monkey. Can you imagine if Wild Thang had been leading us through the BP oil spill crisis instead of Obama? Everything would have been okay.

TAKE YOUR PLACE IN HISTORY, TIM "WILD THANG" LEPARD

Wherever there has been a great man, there has been a monkey riding a dog by his side. And so it is again. [Videogum]