Your Summary Of 'All That's Worth Doing' At The Republican Governors Conference!
Starting tomorrow, a bunch of leaders from the loser party will meet in the spicy gay Mexican outpost of Miami, Florida, for the most important event of the year: the Republican Governors Association's 2008 Annual Conference(.PDF). Yay! They will supposedly discuss the future of the party, but since there is no future, it will just be five or ten potential 2012 candidates (including one S. Palin!) forging alliances to determine which will lose to Ralph Nader in four years. But! There are many delightful events on the conference schedule, so let's see what the cool kids will be doing.
Tomorrow's "Late Night" special will be held at a Communist club! Charlie Crist will provide the long, hard stogies, and by long, hard stogies we mean... cigars. You know, the cigars Charlie Crist will offer to his Republican guests.
After a few drinks, an unawares Sarah Palin will slip a mickey into Charlie Crist's Sex on the Beach ("I like the orange coloring that he has as his skin!"), Charlie Crist will slip one into Bobby Jindal's ("I've gotta have at least one Indian Mexican before I die"), and Bobby Jindal will slip one into Sarah Palin's so he can take her upstairs and exorcise the Retard Demons from her soul. So basically all three will be thrown in the trash can by a Cuban janitor when they're found passed out in the unisex bathroom at 7 a.m.
Ah, the next day brings an afternoon of
elitism "real American stuff." Things will get awkward during the stroll through Gianni Versace's estate, when Sarah Palin starts screaming at the house to give her new clothes.
More Late Night fun, this time at a Socialist "FDR" club! Same love triangle scenario as the night before, except with Mark Sanford, Haley Barbour and Tim Pawlenty in the cast.
And the next morning they have to leave, so sad. But what kind of host would Charlie Crist be if he dismissed his guests on an empty stomach? "Ain't nobody gettin' out of here without eatin' a plateful of fried dicks," Charlie will say.