That's right. A zebra.


Hola, Wonkers, what's shakin'? IT IS THE WONKETTE BABY WHO IS DRESSED AS A ZEBRA AND WE CANNOT EVEN, NO NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. IN fact, we cannot even so much that we aren't even going to weigh down this week's top ten post with other pictures or whatever, because we want you to feel free to watch this video TEN MILLION TIMES if you want to.

 

OK we'll count down the top ten stories in a second, but first IF YOU LOVE ZEBRA VIDEOS AND BABY TODDLER PEOPLE WHO STAR IN THEM, won't you toss us $5, $10, or $25 as a special zebra costume present? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. And you look at the traditional Wonk baby lion picture while you do that, BECAUSE WONKETTE BABY IS A ZEBRA AND A LION.

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. That really fucked up story about the Kansas lawmaker's kid who was decapitated at an unregulated water park. Because the number one story would like to depress the shit out of you this week. 

2. Donald Trump just saying it would be a DAMN SHAME if somebody had to go and shoot Hillary, A DAMN SHAME.

3. What's Hillary Clinton dying from today? Oh, just everything.

4. In which we have to explain to Jill Stein that WiFi is not cooking kids' brains. 

5. Doktor Zoom watched Dinesh D'Souza's latest bullshit movie so you don't have to.

6. Who Googles "Andrea Tantaros bikini" every day and visits Wonkette? IT IS ROGER AILES, EW GROSS, IT IS ROGER AILES. (Probably.)

7. LOL Donald Trump said "titties." Also gave dumb speech on the economy, fuck that.

8. Speaking of LOLs, Barack Obama cannot stop LOLing at dumb whack-off Donald Trump.

9. PFFFFT, Jill Stein didn't want you dumb Bernie voters anyways.

10. And finally, Sasha Obama Takes Job From Real American.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and a few bucks a month. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)

If you REALLY need another task, scroll back up and give us more dollars while you watch that zebra video some more, OK bye.

Love,

Wonket

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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