Hi, everyone! It is Saturday which means we are NOT HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS. But your top ten is! Hey, did you hear Sam Nunberg testified for one gazillion hours to the grand jury on Friday? He must know A LOT. Anyway, we cannot believe all that Sam Nunberg shit, which is all the top posts this week, happened THIS WEEK, on MONDAY. Seems like months ago now, because Trump's America is a weird time warp fuckshow of hellish proportions.

Anyway, shall we top ten? Yes, in a minute!

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. And Then Sam Nunberg Bit His Own Dick Off On Jake Tapper’s CNN Show LOLOL TOTALLY NORMAL. Oh my god.


3. Devin Nunes Too Upset About Stephen Colbert To Even Fuck A Cow Right Now :( It was very sad.

4. Is Ivanka Trump A Dirty, Dirty Girl? FBI ‘Counterintelligence’ Is Just Wondering! Hey Dad! I'm in jail!

5. Conservatives So Mad Facebook Thought They’d Think Satire Was Real, Just Cause They Do That All The Time. Tough shit, snowflakes.

6. Robert Mueller’s New Cooperating Witness Might Just Blow Trump’s Russian Conspiracy WIDE OPEN. Pretty sure we're right about this, y'all.

7. Oh Fuck Off, Axios. Evergreen headline right there!

8. Senate Sunday: Will Beto O’Rourke Beat Ted Cruz In A Boat? Will He Beat Him With A Goat? BETOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

9. Now For Sarah Huckabee Sanders With The Porn Report. Ouachita Baptist did NOT prepare Sanders for talking about porn star payoffs.

10. Fuck Yes, We’ll Read Hope Hicks’s Diary. Wouldn't you?

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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