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Good morning and good weekend, Wonkers! It is time for the top ten post, where we count down the top ten posts of the week, ask you for money to keep this place going, and show you Wonkette toddler pictures. Like the one above, of Wonkette Toddler wearing a scarf made by a Wonker! In other news, this week has murdered us dead, so we're makin' this brief.


So ... let's ask you for money! You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could BUY ALL THE HATS! One says "IMPEACH!" (See below.) The others say "HELL. NO." AND "LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020." Click here for more info!

There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You should buy them!

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

Did we mention we love you?

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Lo Unto Us YET ANOTHER Fusion GPS Transcript Has Been Given! And we liveblogged it ALL DAY!

2. It Seems Like Not Regulating Homeschooling Doesn’t Work Out So Well? Hot take, we know!

3. Counterpoint: Maybe Chuck Schumer ISN’T A Fucking Asshole Weakling That We Hate? It's possible!

4. Not Sure How To Say This, But FBI Director Chris Wray MAY Have A 12-Inch Dick. Whoa if true! And if true, come sit by us!

5. Happy Lucky 13th Anniversary, Melania Trump And This Hot Marine! We hope Melania and her hot Marine have many more happy years together.

6. Shep Smith Unites America In Laughter At Ted Cruz’s Lying Dickface. It's been a while since we've all done that together!

7. Fox News Apparently Just Trying To Get People Killed Now. For real, this shit is getting dangerous.

8. USA Gymnastics Judge Preemptively Banned From Wonkette Comments, For Being TOO AWESOME. She really is pretty badass.

9. Let’s Skim NYMag’s Glenn Greenwald Profile And See How Stupid It Is. SPOILER: Pretty stupid!

10. President Loud Stupid Talked To Reporters Without Adult Supervision Again. It Went Just Great. President Loud Stupid is the best thing we've named him since President Beef Poots!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

You are very good, so here is another toddler picture:

OK bye.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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Every so often on this here internet, we get a hate read that is so perfect, that so aptly encapsulates a particular form of douchebaggery that we all must collectively gasp at it's awfulness and revel in the general repulsiveness of the arrogant human being so lacking in self-awareness that they actually thought it would be a good idea to write such a thing. Today, I bring you such a hate read -- Matthew Binder's A Glimpse Into the Ideological Monoculture of Literary New York.

And yes, it's actually worse than it sounds, if that is possible.

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