See? Beatnik.


OH HEY SATURDAY WONKERS! We do hope the glory of God is shining down on you this blessed sunny morning, unless you are a Atheiss, in which case we hope you are surrounded by beakers and other science implements. Do we even know what the fuck we are talking about right now? No we don't because we write this goddamn post on Friday afternoons, when we are full-on loopy from the LONG HARD WEEK. But anyshizzle, it is your weekly top ten post, are you ready to find out which stories you clicked on the mostest? You will find out in a minute!

But first, speaking of LONG HARD WEEKS, it takes many dollars to make LONG HARD WEEKS possible, and they're going to get LONGER AND HARDER between now and the election. So if you love us LONG AND HARD, won't you toss us $5, $10, or $25 as a special love offering? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of gross-bad ads that take over your browser.

Here, while you decide which of those options is best for you, it is the traditional picture of Wonk Baby as a scary lion:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.

All righty! We trust you have chosen the proper way to dole out your money dollars to a grateful Wonket.

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. Did you watch the first presidential debate where Hillary Clinton whomped Trump's ass and made him eat it afterward? Here is Wonket's liveblog, if you missed it!

2. THE JIG IS UP! Hillary Clinton and Lester Holt totally cheated at the debate! (OR DID THEY?)

3. Megyn Kelly had to teach Trump's idiot campaign manager Kellyanne Conway how political campaigns work. It was sad, and also funny.

4. Speaking of Kellyanne Conway, who is obviously brilliant! She went on "The View" and accidentally admitted that YUP, Trump broke the law and violated the Cuban embargo, just like Newsweek said!

5. GROWN-ASS CHELSEA CLINTON AIN'T GIVE TWO SOLITARY FUCKS ABOUT YOU, DONALD TRUMP.

6. During the debate, Hillary Clinton's "temperament" couldn't stop giggling at that dumbass Donald Trump.

7. BREAKING! Bill Clinton's old fuckpal Gennifer Flowers will NOT be Trump's special guest at the debate! But the debate already happened, so you know that already.

8. Why did Trump have a wussy-baby temper tantrum after the debate? Wonkette thinks we figured it out.

9. #SLATEPITCH: Hillary was terrible in the debate, just kidding no she wasn't.

10. Here's Wonkette's advice to Hillary, on how she should debate Trump. Click to see if she followed it!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and THERE IS A FREE VERSION. Why is it free? We don't know, maybe they want to bogart the market or something. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)

Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."

 

Thank you for following our orders! As a special treat, here is another Wonk Baby beatnik picture, and also another picture that is just the cutest:

Now go with God! Or science! Or whomever you go with, we don't know what your business is.

Love,

Wonket

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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