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Your Weekly Top Ten Had A Really Exhausting 2019 This Past Week

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One (partial) week into 2019 and we think enough things have happened in 2019 to call it a year, right? We can go back to sleep until 2019 is over? No? Well fuck.

All right, it's your first top ten post of the new year. Shall we?


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. BREAKING: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez *Isn't Who She Claims To Be*

9. North Carolina's Vote Fuckery Ends Poorly (For The Republicans Who Did It).

8. Let's Liveblog Nancy Pelosi Taking Back That Gavel And Immediately Beating The Shit Out Of Everybody With It!

7. Ann 'Black Liberationist' Coulter KNOWS The FBI Invented Kwanzaa, So White Liberals Can Suck It

6. Your 2018 Legislative Shitmuffin Of The Whole Entire Year Is ... JIM JORDAN!

5. Who's Doing Good New Laws? Is It Dems? Is It DEMS? Yes It IS!

4. President Bugfuck's New Year's Resolution Clearly 'Be More Bugfuck'

3. Oh, Here She Comes! Watch Out, Trump, Pelosi Will Chew You Up!

2. Meet Your 2018 Legislative Badasses Of The Year: Kamala Harris And Pramila Jayapal!

1. Some D-Bags Tried To Body Shame Connie Schultz. It Did Not Work.

Yay, good stories! Fucking crazy week, and 2019 is just beginning!

Oh, is there anything else?

Just more pics of the Wonkette toddler, that's all:


OK now this post is over.

Go with God,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Remember a few weeks ago when House Judiciary Committee Chair Jerry Nadler sent a very nice and loving request to 81 people and entities associated with Donald Trump, including the White House, asking to please FUCKING GIVE IT a million documents, in order to aid Judiciary's investigation into Trump's millions of crimes? Well, the deadline was Monday, and some folks are helping! Others are not!

According to Nadler, they've already gotten "tens of thousands" of documents, and all signs point to more document requests coming, to approximately one million more people. There have been some surprises, too. Steve Bannon is helping a LOT, turning over thousands of pages (which is perhaps too much if you've ever seen that episode of "The West Wing," where CJ Cregg talks about being so crazy over-compliant with Congress that they just snow down investigators with everything, including take-out menus and junk mail). Trump Inauguration weirdo/longtime associate Tom Barrack is helping, and Hope Hicks is also too gonna be a good little helper. And so on!

And some are asking for "friendly subpoenas," like for instance attorney Keith Davidson, who used to rep Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, who's asking for that in order to "formalize the process," as Politico puts it. (Some people don't like being asked nicely.)

Still others are saying straight up NO, and some of them have better reasons than others. Roger Stone is pleading the Fifth on advice of counsel because, you know, he's in trouble with the law right now. Rick Gates says he can't really help, citing how he is still a cooperating witness who is very business hunting wabbits in multiple ongoing investigations. And Julian Assange said no, because (LOL) he is a journalist, you guys, and Congress shouldn't subpoena journalists about their sources. (Actually WikiLeaks is a cut-out for Russian intelligence. Which is kind of like "journalist," except not remotely.)

But the real story here is that the White House, in response to pretty much every document request it's gotten, is saying "FUCK OFF! WE ARE GOING TO DO THE WATERGATE THING! IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL, IN WATERGATE! FUCK IT, LET'S DO THE WATERGATE THING!"

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