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BLOCK THIS BEAUTIFUL BABY, MAGGIE, WE DARE YOU


Oh hey, everyone! It is your weekly top ten post! HOORAY! Anyway, we wrote a couple of times about the NYT's Maggie Haberman this week, because she was being wrong, and she still hasn't blocked us on Twitter. HOORAY AGAIN! But she probably will soon, because she blocks ERRBODY. So that is your update on whether or not Maggie Haberman has blocked Wonkette. Are you ready for your top ten countdown?

SUCKS FOR YOU, because we have to shake you down for money first. You see, it is the end of the month, which means we are a bit low, and we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is, just this one time, an animal:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. A Texas Billionaire, The Stripper He Beat Up, And The Mugshot He Doesn’t Want You To See. A story written by "Respectable Lawyer" while we were on vacation!

2. New York Times’s Maggie Haberman Has Chosen To Be A Dick Today. Because she had most definitely made that choice.

3. Trump On Puerto Rico: A Lot Of People Don’t Know About ‘Ocean’! MANY WATER. MUCH OCEAN.

4. OMG Y’all, President Stupidass Actually Thinks He’s #WINNING This Football Fight. And he STILL DOES.

5. If He’s Going Down, Paul Manafort Will Take Half Of DC Down With Him. Because that's the kind of asshole he is.

6. The 9,746 Top Reasons We Don’t Want To Watch Megyn Kelly’s Dumb Fuckin’ New Show. All 9,746 are "because fuck that shit" is why.

7. TRUMP UNITES AMERICA! (Behind The Strong, Classy Black Dudes Playing The Foosball.) You guys, Shy wrote a post about #TheSport!

8. If Maggie Haberman’s Hot Takes Get Any Hotter, We’re All Going To Burn To Death. Ow! Ow!

9. The Week In Garbage Men: MGTOWs Declare Sex Dolls ‘The New Standard Of Beauty.' Because OF COURSE they did.

10. And finally, Homeland Security Just Took A Year To Tell States They Got Hacked By Russia. THEY WERE ON A BREAK. It's probably not that important anyway.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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OK bye or whatever, don't get blocked by Maggie Haberman on Twitter this weekend.

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

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THAT HEADLINE IS A LIE.

Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube

5. WHAT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK WAS THAT TRUMP-PUTIN PRESS CONFERENCE?

6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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Facebook video screenshot

Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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