Your Weekly Top Ten Hasn't Been Blocked By Maggie Haberman YET
BLOCK THIS BEAUTIFUL BABY, MAGGIE, WE DARE YOU
Oh hey, everyone! It is your weekly top ten post! HOORAY! Anyway, we wrote a couple of times about the NYT's Maggie Haberman this week, because she was being wrong, and she still hasn't blocked us on Twitter. HOORAY AGAIN! But she probably will soon, because she blocks ERRBODY. So that is your update on whether or not Maggie Haberman has blocked Wonkette. Are you ready for your top ten countdown?
SUCKS FOR YOU, because we have to shake you down for money first. You see, it is the end of the month, which means we are a bit low, and we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
For instance, you could also purchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says "Hell. No." and the other says "Literally Anyone Else 2020." See?
There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store!
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is, just this one time, an animal:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. A Texas Billionaire, The Stripper He Beat Up, And The Mugshot He Doesn’t Want You To See. A story written by "Respectable Lawyer" while we were on vacation!
2. New York Times’s Maggie Haberman Has Chosen To Be A Dick Today. Because she had most definitely made that choice.
3. Trump On Puerto Rico: A Lot Of People Don’t Know About ‘Ocean’! MANY WATER. MUCH OCEAN.
4. OMG Y’all, President Stupidass Actually Thinks He’s #WINNING This Football Fight. And he STILL DOES.
5. If He’s Going Down, Paul Manafort Will Take Half Of DC Down With Him. Because that's the kind of asshole he is.
6. The 9,746 Top Reasons We Don’t Want To Watch Megyn Kelly’s Dumb Fuckin’ New Show. All 9,746 are "because fuck that shit" is why.
7. TRUMP UNITES AMERICA! (Behind The Strong, Classy Black Dudes Playing The Foosball.) You guys, Shy wrote a post about #TheSport!
9. The Week In Garbage Men: MGTOWs Declare Sex Dolls ‘The New Standard Of Beauty.' Because OF COURSE they did.
10. And finally, Homeland Security Just Took A Year To Tell States They Got Hacked By Russia. THEY WERE ON A BREAK. It's probably not that important anyway.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:
You are very good!
OK bye or whatever, don't get blocked by Maggie Haberman on Twitter this weekend.
Yours in Christ,
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.